Falling in love is hard on the knees
by Voodoo Kisses
Summary: When he walked into her life, Jessica couldn't believe he chose her...When he walked out, she couldn't believe he left her...What if he came back, did he really expect everything to be the same? Jeff Hardy/OC
1. Chapter 1

The Wedding

_**Please R&R guys! Thanks **_

Standing at the altar I took a quick glance around the small town church, this was the day I had dreamed of since I was small. Like all young girls I had grown up planning my dream wedding, only my husband - to - be's face had always remained a blur, until that night 3 and a half years ago when he walked into that bar and into my life....

_'Whats a pretty girl, such as yourself, doing working in a bar on a Friday night?' he questioned, looking me up and down._

_'Well looking this pretty don't come for free!' I joked back, I enjoyed the banter you could have with the customers in a job like this._

_He didn't laugh at my joke, instead he leant in closer. 'To be honest darlin',' he whispered and I leaned in slightly, I was intrigued by what he had to say next. 'You could be wearing nothing and you will still be stunning.' _

_I quickly stood back up, feeling my cheeks flush. There was something about his tone of voice, he was being serious._

_'Your drunk.' It was the only thing I could think of saying._

_'I'm honest.' he replied never taking his eyes off of mine for a second._

_I laughed to try and break the sexual tension between us. He kept with the straight face, not even blinking. My heartbeat started to quicken. There was something about him that made you shiver, he could make any woman go weak at the knees, I could see that from watching him walk around the bar that night. Just one look at him and grown women would start giggling like school girls. He oozed sex appeal, it rose out of every pore on that sweet body of his. I got hot just watching him that night. _

_I felt like I was locked into that intense gaze of his. I couldn't move, like I was glued to the spot, not wanting to break the moment._

_'Jessica! Baby! Are you gonna serve us or not?' The spell was broken, I spun around to tell Joe and Bill, regulars in the bar, that I would be there in a minute. When I turned back he was gone. I stood on tip toes to see over the crowd that was starting to gather around one booth in the bar. I saw a glimpse of his multi coloured hair as he sat down with the men at the booth and started laughing at something the blonde one said. A sadness started to rise throughout my body, until I looked at the bar. There written on a napkin:_

_Jeff 555 - 9643_

_I looked back up at where he was sitting, a smile forming on my face. He turned around and caught me looking. Raising his beer he mouthed 'Call me' and winked, with that he turned his attention back to his friends._

The thought made me catch my breath and as I came back to reality I realised where I was, marrying a man I could never truly love as much as I loved, and if I'm honest, will always love Jeff.

Craig looked at me, a concerned look. He knew what I was thinking about, or should I say who I was thinking about. He knew how I felt about Jeff and I knew deep down it hurt him but I couldn't help it. Jeff was my true love.

'Honey,' he whispered so the guests couldn't hear 'Are you ok?'

I breathed in deeply and nodded, a small tear falling down my cheek. He knew I wasn't but was so desperate to keep me he would believe it if it meant I would be his wife.

'And do you Jessica Sarah Rye, take Craig Matthew Jenner, to be your husband to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, for richer for poorer, in sickness and health until death do you part?'

I nodded again meekly saying 'I do.' Wishing he had said Jeffery Nero Hardy instead.

Now don't get me wrong I love Craig, I really do. But only part of me. He knew how I felt about Jeff and how it broke my heart when he went, how I thought I would never love again. He promised me I would love again, he promised he would make me love him and I do. Just not as much as Jeff. I feel like such an awful person for saying that and the guilt eats away at me everyday. Craig is a good man and any girl would be lucky to have him as her husband, I just didn't feel lucky at all. I felt broken it was stupid to feel like that if I'm completly truthful with myself. Jeff left over a year ago, of his own free will, because of a night neither of us could help and I had to move on. I needed to teach myself to love Craig more, to love Jeff less and less until I felt nothing for him. I had been trying for a year to love Jeff less but I just couldn't. I hoped being a married woman would change that. I was relying on being a married woman changing that.

I couldn't remember the rest of the ceremony. I was too wrapped up in my thoughts, this day was meant to be the happiest of a girls life and yes part of me was happy, I was marrying a kind man, who would look after me. But part of me felt like it died that day also, the part of me that hoped Jeff would come back like nothing ever happened and we could carry on, the part of me that knew we should be a family right now. I knew that wasn't going to happen.


	2. Chapter 2

Everything has to change at some point

_**Please R&R guys! Thanks!**_

Throughout the dinner reception I thought of him...

_We had been together 6 months at that point. I had just experienced the most amazing 6 months of my life and I couldn't see it ending. That night after meeting at the bar, I called him. As corny as it sounds we were pretty much inseperable after that. Where you would find one of us the other wouldn't be far behind. When I learnt he was a wrestler, I panicked, didn't that mean they were away a lot? Luckily for me Jeff explained how he was on a break from wrestling, wanting to focus on his art and music more. I met his friends and they accepted me quickly, seeing how happy I made Jeff, I was ok by them. The girlfriends of them all and I bonded well, becoming best friends. Matt used to joke we were the WAGS of the WWE which made us all laugh. We were one big happy family. That night laying in bed, our bodies touching, curled up together, he said those words._

_'Jess, you are the most amazing girl I have ever known, I'm so lucky to have met you, not a day goes by when I don't crave you. I need you all the time, because of you I have experienced feelings I have never known...' he stopped and I readjusted myself so I could look at his face. 'I've fallen for you hard baby girl.....I love you.' Well, you could have killed me then and I would have died happy. _

_'I love you too Jeff.' I responded, I couldn't say anymore for fear of crying. His lips crashed onto mine and I willingly responded, he gently bit my lower lip, I let out a sigh. This was more than perfect, it was heaven._

'Everyone....*ahem* excuse me.' My dads voice brought me crashing back down to reality. Clinking his glass with a knife, the chatter that filled the room before died down to a silence.

'I would just like to congratulate Jessica and Craig on their happy union, may it last forver.' he paused and everyone clapped, even Craig. I sat with my hands on my lap, a smile that was only half true, played on my lips. 'When Jessica was a little girl she used to sit on my lap and tell me stories about what her wedding day was going to be like, while she was talking non-stop I sat there tallying up how much this was all going to cost!'

A small polite laughter filled the room.

'Well, I'm glad she got her dream day eventually, all of it. Even if it does mean I'm now paying for it until I'm 100!'

Another small laughter.

'Jessica you are a lucky girl to have found Craig, especially after the last one you called a boyfriend.'

He might as well just have stabbed me in the heart with that comment, no one made a sound. I looked at the table to my right, Matt, Shannon, Greg, Amiee, Meg and Janey all looked anywhere but at me.

I knew my Dad was never fond of Jeff, he made me aware of it on numerous occasions. He thought he was weird and certaintly not good enough for his daughter. Jeff used to always try and make an effort with him but he just re buffed everything Jeff said or done.

I turned and just stared at him, not being able to take in the next part of his speech. I could see his mouth moving but heard no words coming out. Craig grabbed my hand and gently squeezed it. I looked at him and smiled. I had to make a go of this, for his sake, he didn't deserve just half of my heart, he deserved it all.

After the speeches everyone started to clear the room. I saw the North Carolina crew get up and walk outside, I quickly excused myself and followed. When I got out there I saw them all standing out the front of the hotel smoking. I walked straight up to Shannon and took the freshly lit cigarette out of his hand, inhaling as deep as I could I held the smoke in my lungs and then exhaled.

'Hey! Whats do you think your doing baby girl?' he laughed and I shot him one of my trademark smiles. They all called me baby girl after Jeff called me it in front of them once, they found it hilarious.

'I need it more than you.' I grinned back and inhaled again.

'Congratulations.' Matt spoke, I turned and smiled at him, they knew how hard it had been for me once Jeff left after everything else that had happened, I believed they thought I had got over him but they knew me too well, they knew I was hurting still, hurting for both of them.

'I'm sorry about what my Dad said, he had no right.' I responded and Matt shook his head at me.

'Nothing for you to be sorry about baby girl, Jeff is the one that should be sorry. He should have never just walked away from you. It should have been him...' He trailed off as Meg saw the sadness in my eyes and elbowed him in the ribs.

I quickly changed my expression, knowing Meg saw my yearning for Jeff.

'His loss.' I said, faking a laugh. 'I should get going,' I said stubbing out the cigarette. 'See you in a few hours yeah?'

'Yeah.' They all replied.

I turned to leave and stopped.

'Thanks for today guys, I know it must be hard for you too but I gotta move on, he isn't going to come back and I can't sit around and wait for him.' They all nodded and as I walked off I heard Shannon speak, thinking I was out of earshot.

'Why wasn't it Jeff? It should be him marrying her not Craig.'

That comment struck a cord with me. Inside I replied to him _'I know Shannon, I know.'_


	3. Chapter 3

The after party

_**Please R&R! Thanks!**_

I made a concious effort to focus on Craig for the rest of the day. He was my future now. Jeff was my past. I actually started to enjoy myself at one point, started to forget about Jeff. Until now.

'Now ladies and gents we have the first dance as Mr and Mrs Jenner.' said the DJ.

Everyone clapped as me and Craig made our way to the floor. The music began.

'I could stay awake just to hear you breathing  
Watch you smile while you are sleeping  
Far away and dreaming  
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender  
I could stay lost in this moment forever  
Well, every moment spent with you  
Is a moment I treasure'

This was mine and Jeff's song. The first song we danced to, the first song we made love to. I was in shock. Craig said he had wanted to pick the music himself, it was going to be a suprise. Well it certaintly was that, but I don't think it was a suprise in the way Craig had intented. I glanced at Meg for moral support, she and I were the closest out of the gang and she knew this was mine and Jeff's song. When we broke up I had it on repeat. She smiled at me and mouthed 'Now its your's and Craig's song.' I smiled back but it was weak.

Craig clutched my waist and started swaying. I put my arms around his shoulders and buried my head in his chest. I didn't want him to see my pain for both my losses, he only needed to see the happy me. Tears started to fall from my eyes, so I buried my head deeper and breathed in his scent.

I don't wanna close my eyes  
I don't wanna fall asleep  
'Cause I'd miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do  
I'd still miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing

_'Jeff, Jeff, where are you?' I walked into his house and dropped my overnight bag on the floor._

_I heard the music softly drift out of the kitchen. _

_Lying close to you  
Feeling your heart beating  
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming  
Wondering if it's me you're seeing  
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together  
And I just wanna stay with you  
In this moment forever, forever and ever_

_I walked over and looked in to the room it was coming from and gasped. He had made us a dinner. Rose petals lain across the table, two candles flickering in the middle. I couldn't see Jeff though. The I felt slide around my waist. He whispered into my ear. ' Don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep, 'Cause I'd miss you, babe, And I don't wanna miss a thing.' I spun around to face him and smiled up at him. I went to speak and he held a finger to my lip. He hadn't finished._ ' _'Cause even when I dream of you, The sweetest dream will never do, I'd still miss you, babe, And I don't wanna miss a thing.' We stayed like that for a while just swaying to the music while he sang it to me, I rested my head onto his chest and he wrapped his arms tighter around me. Pulling me as close to him as he could manage. I responded by sliding my arms around his waist tighter. I could have stayed like that forever._

Slowly I started to drift back to now.

I don't wanna miss one smile  
I don't wanna miss one kiss  
Well, I just wanna be with you  
Right here with you, just like this  
I just wanna hold you close  
Feel your heart so close to mine  
And stay here in this moment  
For all the rest of time

I managed to stop my tears and look up at Craig, he smiled down at me. Looking at his face, I knew I couldn't hurt him, not as much as Jeff hurt me. He was too good to do that to. I promised myself there and then this would work.

Don't wanna close my eyes  
Don't wanna fall asleep  
'Cause I'd miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do  
'Cause I'd still miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna close my eyes  
I don't wanna fall asleep  
'Cause I'd miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do  
I'd still miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Don't wanna close my eyes  
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah  
I don't wanna miss a thing

The song ended and we stayed like that for a moment. In that second, it felt nice being in Craig's arms, just like Jeff's......no I was going to stop that train of thought and love Craig for who he was.

I continued to enjoy myself as the night went on, talking to family and friends with Craig by my side. Talking with the gang about the old days, all of us making sure his name wasn't mentioned or anything around the subject of why he walked out. I still hung out with them, just not as much as I used to. When Jeff left I couldn't bare to see them at first, too many memories, then I met Craig and he wasn't too happy about me seeing them a lot knowing all about Jeff. So we kept our visits few and far between and it was nice to catch up. Saying my temporary goodbyes I walked around the room to chat to other people. I saw my cousin and ran straight up to her...

'Carrie!' I exclaimed, pulling her in for a cuddle and then noticing the bump.

'You're not are you?!' I squealed jumping up and down!

'Yup, I'm pregnant, 4 months gone to be precise.' She replied stroking her stomach.

'Why didn't you tell me?' I asked, already knowing the answer.

'I didn't want to upset you, after you know....' she paused trying to find the right words. 'the loss and everything.' The memories came flooding back and a pain of longing shot through my stomach....

_I paced the bathroom, a bag of nerves. Jeff was exactly the same the other side of the door. Pacing up and down the hallway. Those 2 mintues seemed like forever. _

_It was time. I picked up the stick and looked at it. One blue line......two blue lines....._

_Opening the door I walked out into the hallway and Jeff pratically ran towards me._

_'Well, are you? Are we? Is it?' he was babbling, trying to get all his words out at once._

_I stayed silent for a moment letting it sink it. Eventually I spoke. _

_'We're pregnant.' Was all I said. Jeff picked me up and spun me around. We both started laughing. After seeing eachother for a year we decided we wanted to start a family, had been trying for a couple of months and now it was finally happening. I felt like I was on cloud nine._

_We told all our family, friends, strangers, everyone. Matt announced it on his Myspace page, we received hundreds of emails congratulating us. We started buying baby clothes and accessories. I moved in with Jeff and we started decorating the nursery, talking non stop about the baby. It brought us so much closer together, closer than I thought possible. Everynight before bed Jeff would kiss me, then my stomach whispering 'Night night baby, love you already.' We were becoming a family and nothing could take us off this high....until that night...._

'I'm sorry,' said Carrie 'I didn't mean to....'

I shook my head.

'Carrie, you have nothing to be sorry about. Everyone has been avoiding baby conversation around me for way too long, I'm really happy for you, I really am.' I said while inside, thinking _'That should have been me. I should be holding my baby right now. _


	4. Chapter 4

The wedding night

_**Please R&R! Thanks!**_

It was getting late and everyone started saying their goodbyes. I was getting tired and Craig had decided it was time for me to get to bed. Making our excuses we left for the hotel room upstairs.

Walking into the bathroom, I started getting ready for bed, I know what a wedding night was meant to involve, but to be honest, after my conversation with Carrie tonight I wasn't really in the mood. I decided to tell Craig I wasn't feeling to well because of how much I had drunk, I didn't want him to know him how upset I was on our wedding day so I decided it was best to lie. Walking out of the bathroom I breathed a sigh of relief. He had fallen asleep, so I wasn't going to have to lie afterall. I hated being dishonest with him and I done it enough already. I turned off the light and crept towards the bed getting under the covers I turned my back to Craig and stared out into the darkness, my eyes were slowly adjusting and I could start to make out objects in the room.

My conversation with Carrie was laying heavily on my mind and the pain of loss shot through me again making me wince.

_'Okay we have got through the hardest part now, the three month mark. So I think we should go out and celebrate our pregnancy.' Jeff grinned at me._

_I had been so worried as I heard the first three months were the most fragile and stayed in constantly, only leaving the house for work and then coming straight back. I was reluctant to go but I could see Jeff really wanted to and I would do anything for him._

_'Sure,' I said 'What harm can it do.' With that I got up off of the sofa and headed upstairs to get ready._

_Walking into the bar, I gripped Jeff's hand tighter, he knew I was nervous about being out, scared for our little baby. Especially in a crowded place. All the people pushing and shoving._

_We sat down in our usual booth and the rest of the gang turned up. I was used to the attention we got when we were out now, fans, ring rats etc etc. The ring rats used to really bother me at first but they didn't phase any of us girls anymore, the boys never paid attention to them anyway._

_After a couple of hours of chatting, I wanted to leave. Jeff understood and we said our goodbyes and left the bar. Getting outside Jeff lit a cigarette. _

_'God, I miss them...' I trailed off and Jeff shot me a look. 'Yeah, I know...' I continued 'I wouldn't do anything to harm this baby._

_He smiled at me and slung his arm around my shoulder. Just as we were about to leave I realised I left my bag inside and told Jeff to wait outside while I went in and got it. _

_Walking back outside I saw a group of girls hanging around Jeff, giggling and squealing. I rolled my eyes and walked over to him._

_'Come on baby, I'm ready to go.' I said to Jeff and he started walking towards me while one of the girls shot me a look. I smiled sweetly back and waited for Jeff._

_As we were walking off I heard it. _

_'What is he doing with her anyway, she is ugly as hell, fucking slag.' she spat loud enough for me to hear._

_That was it, I didn't care when they swarmed around Jeff but I couldn't stand when they spoke to me like that._

_'I turned around and Jeff stood in front of me, knowing what I got like._

_'What did you say?' I shouted._

_'You heard.' she replied._

_'Just leave us alone girls.' Jeff spoke to the group_

_'Your way to good for her Jeffy, you need a real woman.' She flirted._

_I wanted to go over there but knew I shouldn't because of the baby. But I just had to get the last word in. _

_'Well you can slag me off all you like honey, at the end of the day I'm the one he comes home too.' I smirked. Wrong thing to do._

_In a split second she was running towards us, Jeff couldn't see as he was facing me, trying to calm me down. She shoved him, to try and get him out of the way but ended up pushing him instead, he toppled forwards and I didn't have the strength to hold him up..._

_It felt like slow motion, he came crashing down onto me, the girl on top of him. A pain shot through my stomach, the impact of them both on top of me. I screamed out in pain and Jeff's face turned white. He pushed the girl off of him and knelt down on the floor beside me calling for help, but I knew it was too late, I could feel it. I started crying and so did Jeff. He kept repeating himself._

_'I'm so sorry, to both of you, its my fault. I love you both.'_

I cried myself to sleep on the night that should have been the happiest of my life.


	5. Chapter 5

Memories are life way of reminding us we are still alive

_**Please R&R! Thanks!**_

Waking up the next morning I wanted to just curl up and go back to sleep. I hadn't slept at all well, an hour or two at best and that was fitful, All I kept dreaming about was that night and what happened next...

_Cradling my now empty stomach, I curled up on the hospital bed. The doctor sounded like he was speaking though a thick piece of glass, I could only hear a few words._

_'Sorry........didn't make it.......impact was too much.......dead.....Mrs Hardy' he spoke softly not wanting to cause any more distress._

_'I'm not Mrs Hardy, my name is Miss Rye.' was all I could reply, staring off into the distance._

_'I'm sorry Miss Rye, there was nothing more we could do, your baby is gone.' said the doctor as he lowered his head and turned to walk out of the room. _

_I heard a noise and turned around, Jeff was sitting in the corner, his head in his hands. His shoulders shook as he sobbed. I couldn't say anything to him, no words would come out of my mouth. Instead I just turned back and looked at the wall._

_'Baby girl....' he rasped, through his tears, 'I'm so sorry.' _

_I didn't reply._

_'Please talk to me, you haven't said a word to me since we got here.'_

_'Our baby is dead...' was all I could manage to whisper back._

_Jeff started crying harder now, I knew he felt guilty and even though I didn't blame him I couldn't comfort him. I was mourning for our baby and yes I was probaly being selfish but thats all I could concentrate on._

_Eventually I was allowed to leave the hospital and Jeff took me home. I couldn't bare to walk into the nursery, the pain was still to raw. Jeff fussed around me making sure I was okay but I could see he was hurting to, even more so than me. Even though our friends tried to tell him it wasn't his fault he still blamed himself. He started to pull away from me, gradually at first. I knew he was and I was trying to pull him back, I needed him more than ever. _

_He started spending more time locked up in his studio, working on his art, he would paint the most amazing pictures, each and eveyone of them for our baby. They were stunning, when he went out I used to go in there and just sit in front of them, mourning for our baby but also looking in awe at how amazing his work was, I was so proud of him and I wish I had told him more. I adored this man and there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for him. I knew I may have neglected him these past couple of months, pushing him away when he tried to hug me, yet longing for his arms to be wrapped around me. I was so confused. I was going to make it up to him, we may have lost our baby but we still had eachother and that was all that mattered._

_I awoke early the next morning planning to suprise Jeff but making him breakfast. Today was going to be about me and him, no one and nothing else. I turned over to his side of the bed and realised it was empty. I sat up and looked around the room, everything looked the same yet it wasn't like him to go out without telling me. I strained to hear a noise downstairs, just something to let me know he was about, silence trailed up the stairs and into our room. Don't ask me how but I just knew something was wrong. Getting out of bed I ran downstairs calling out his name. When I got to the kitchen I stopped and gasped. There laying on the table was a letter addressed to me and a CD._

_I opened the letter and couldn't believe what I was reading._

_Baby Girl,_

_This is the hardest thing I've ever written and the hardest thing I will ever write again. I can no longer hide the guilt that eats away at me. It was my fault that night, we lost our baby and it was my fault. I'm truly sorry for hurting our baby and you. You know I would never intentionally hurt you right?_

_You are the most amazing girl that I have ever met and I hoped we would be together forever but I can't do that to you, you deserve better than me and its selfish of me to keep you for myself. I'm punishing myself for what I did, I hurt our baby, and now I lose you._

_I know you wouldn't leave me, so I've stepped up to the plate. I really don't want to go but I know its for the best, keep the house you need it, I won't see you on the streets. Just know that wherever I end up I will always be thinking of you and there will never be anyone else for me but you._

_I didn't say goodbye as I know how hard it would be for us both just remember...._

_I will love you until my dying day._

_Jeff xxxx_

_I remember falling to the floor, sobbing. He was gone. I would never see my soul mate again. I must have stayed like that for an hour or more, remembering the CD I got up and picked it up. Walking into the lounge I put it in the CD player. Laying down on the sofa I let the music flow into me._

_He was sitting on his tailgate  
She was lovin' on his roughneck  
She was talking about running away  
And he was puffin' on a cigarette  
Just thinkin'  
How am I gonna say goodbye?_

_He said, girl you got it good here  
You don't need to mess with  
A guy going nowhere  
She said how's about Texas?  
He got up and shook his head  
Then he said, ain't you been listening?  
It's never gonna work out  
And I think it'd be a good time now to_

_The chorus make me start crying again, why did he go? I didn't want to let go._

_Let me go  
You don't need me baby  
Stop holding on the way you are  
Don't you know I'm no good for you  
And it'll only break your heart  
If you don't  
Let me go_

_I did still need him and he broke my heart by leaving me._


	6. Chapter 6

The one with the big conversation

_**Please R&R as always guys. Thank you kindly **_

I managed to pull myself out of bed and over to the breakfast table, where Craig was already sitting.

'Morning wifey.' he joked leaning in to kiss me.

I turned my head away without thinking.

I relised what I had just done, I had never done that to Craig before.

He slammed his fists down onto the table causing me to jump, I had never seen Craig angered before and it scared me.

'THATS IT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS.' he spat. I sat there silent, my hands in my lap knowing what he was going to say.

'HE LEFT A YEAR AND A HALF AGO JESS, A YEAR AND A FUCKING HALF AGO! I WAS THERE FOR YOU WHEN HE WALKED OUT ON YOU, HELPING YOU ALL THEM NIGHTS YOU SAT UP CRYING, I HAD ONLY MET YOU A FEW NIGHTS BEFORE SO TO BE HONEST I DIDN'T HAVE TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU BUT I DID AND DO YOU KNOW WHY I DID?.... I knew you were the girl for me...' his voice softened towards the end of his rant and I inwardly sighed, I knew I deserved everything he threw at me but I just didn't want to hear the truth, not about Jeff. Craig didn't know him like I did.

My silence seemed to anger him more.

'YOU STILL LOVE HIM DON'T YOU? FUCKING HELL I MARRIED A WOMAN STILL IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER MAN! DO YOU KNOW WHAT TO BE HONEST I KNEW IT ALL ALONG I KNEW I NEVER HAD YOUR HEART LIKE JEFF DID BUT I REALLY FUCKING TRIED FOR YOU JESS. I WANTED YOU TO LOVE ME, SELFISH I KNOW BUT I DID. I GAVE MY ALL TO YOU AND EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVEN'T BEEN PHYSICALLY UNFAITHFULL TO ME I KNOW YOUR CONSTANTLY CHEATING ON ME MENTALLY BY THINKING OF HIM. DO YOU NOT REALISE HOW MUCH THAT KILLS ME INSIDE? WHY THE HELL DID YOU EVEN AGREE TO MARRY ME?' he shouted the rage building up, I was sure other guests in the hotel could hear. I was shocked. I mean, I knew it hurt him but until now I didn't realise what it meant. I could see it clearly now, I was hurting Craig the same way Jeff hurt me and yet he still loved me like I did Jeff. Craig was experiencing the same pain as me.

I started to cry.

Craig suddenely softened and ran around to my side of the table.

'Shhhh...shhhhhhh....I'm sorry baby,' he whispered. 'I didn't mean to upset you please don't cry.'

I turned and looked at him.

'You have nothing to be sorry about, I'm crying because I have upset myself. I knew how much I was hurting you but I didn't want to see it. I was so wrapped up in my own little world of memories that I didn't want to let go of. That night I met you when I was sitting in the park I was mouring, Jeff had walked out 2 weeks before and I had lost my baby only a couple of months before. I remember you sitting with me all night, a complete stranger, and listening to my ramblings. And I'm gonna be completly honest with you now, I know I rushed into 'us' but to be honest I was afraid of being alone and knowing you liked me made me believe it would be better to be with you than by myself. That was my reason for 'us'.'

Craigs face fell, that admission of truth must have hurt, I knew it would but I thought he needed to know. If we were going to move forward I had to be honest with him and hoped he stayed around because deep down part of me did love him.

'And then I got to know you and I fell in love with you.' _My last lie to him. _I promised myself. Truth be told I didn't start to feel anything remotely resembling love for him until about 6 months ago but he really didn't need that much truth.

'I really want to give 'us' a decent shot, thats why I have just told you the truth. I just hope you can forgive me but I will understand if you can't.' I dried my tears on the back of my hand as I spoke the last sentence. Knowing if he could forgive that truth he was better than any man. I wouldn't expect anyone to forgive that because I know if it was the other way around I could never forgive someone that had just said to me the things I told Craig.

'I just need to ask you a few questions first.' he finally spoke after a long silence.

I nodded.

'Did you want to marry me?' I nodded.

'Did you do it, partially, because you thought you should?' I nodded again.

'Do you still miss Jeff?' I paused and then nodded again.

'I'm trying not to...' he cut me off.

'Just answer my questions.' he said sternly.

I looked down to the floor again.

Do you still love Jeff?' A tear fell down my face as I nodded again.

'But you love me also?' I nodded.

'Do you think you could learn to love me more?' I nodded with more certainty this time, after he just poured his heart out to me I was sure I could.

'Do you see a future with me?' I looked up at him on this one and examined his features. I slowly nodded letting out a small smile. He didn't return it so I looked back down.

'And lastly do you want a future with me?' I paused again. Could I really give up my thoughts of Jeff? And the hope I held that one day he would return? I know I had been trying to but this time I was sure I was going to, I realised how much I had hurt this man in front of me. Jeff had moved on and abandoned me so I needed to emotionally move on and abandon my thoughts of him.

I nodded fiercly this time and glanced at Craig.

He sighed.

'Well to be honest, you have hurt me really bad Jess. But......' he paused and I held my breath. 'I love you so much I would rather have a part of your heart, than none of it at all. Call me stupid but I just can't give up on you.'

I looked face on at this man kneeling in front of me, unable to believe what I was hearing. After all I've told him he was going to stay? I realised there and then what Craig was, a kind hearted, loving, generous man who didn't deserve what I had been doing to him. He deserved my love, and only him needed to be in my heart. I hugged him tightly and was glad to feel him slide his arms around me. I buried my face into his neck and breathed in his scent.

This was going to work, I was going to make sure of it.


	7. Chapter 7

Feels brand new

_**Please R&R! Thanks guys!**_

As the weeks passed I thought of Jeff less and less, days would go by where I hand't thought of him at all. It was like there was a door in my mind and standing behind it was Jeff, I had to close that door in order to move on. Craig was being as attentive as ever as I was glad we had cleared the air, it felt like we were starting again and I was enjoying it.

Our house became our home and we were known as Mr and Mrs Jenner, at this moment in time I wouldn't want it any other way. Craig must have started to feel more comfortable with the situation as he wasn't so annoyed by me seeing the old gang anymore, I was glad of this as I really did miss them and now I could see them without being reminded of Jeff. None of us knew where he had gone and this caused tension at first, I felt like they were blaming me for him leaving and I also hated their pity. But we had all started to move on, as hard as it was, Jeff was a big part of all of our lives but he had left us and we couldn't wait around for him to possibly come back. Craig even came round Matt's a few times, he was getting to know them for my sake which made me start to love him even more, I understood how hard it must have been for him to see them, knowing Matt was Jeff's brother, Shannon his best friend. There were pictures of Jeff around Matt's house which must have been hard for him to look at, luckily Matt took down the picture of me and Jeff at the beach one summer. I used to find it hard enough to look at let alone Craig having to see it.

Laying in Craig's arms, I no longer wished they were Jeff's. I wanted Craig for who he was. Everything was perfect. The small things mattered the most to me, simple things like taking a walk in the park where we first met, sharing an ice cream on a Sunday afternoon, snuggled up together watching TV. He encouraged me in everything I done, even helping me start up my own business selling vintage womens clothing online. Being a marketing director, he knew the best approach and supported me all the way. But this also meant he had to go away for days at a time on business trips, I used to feel lonley so I was glad for the company when I went to see the gang. I felt at home with them.

When Matt went on the road, me and Meg used to hang out a lot, with both our partners being away we knew what eachother was going through and we built our closeness back up. I loved having my best friend back.

I no longer broke down in tears when I saw a baby, I still missed mine but the pain wasn't as strong as it was before, so we started trying for a family. We hadn't conceived yet but we were hopeful.

It seemed like everything was finally coming together.


	8. Chapter 8

Christmas time

_**Please R&R! Thanks!**_

I loved Christmas, the atmosphere, the lights, the gift giving. It was so magical. Jeff used to love Chritmas as well, and in previous years I would have been torn not spending it with him. But I felt okay. Me and Craig had planned to go over to my parents for Christmas, something me and Jeff never did, I used to go alone, as my dad was not a fan of his and made it obvious on every occasion possible. It hurt me at the time and to be honest it still hurt that he wasn't supportive of me. He used to bitch about Jeff to me all the time, things like...

'Jessiebell, what are you doing with a waster like him? A wrestler? Thats not a job. Oh he does painting also? And he is in a band? He needs a proper job!'

'Jessiebell, he isn't good enough for you, just look at his hair for a start, and all them tattoos and piercings, he needs to be smarter dressed.'

I neglected to tell him about my various tattoos and piercings, I made sure they were suitably covered on every visit. What my dad didn't realise was that I loved Jeff because he WAS different.

I was sat next to Craig as he was driving to my parents two days after Christmas. Glancing over at him I took in his features, he was, what you would call, classic good looking. The short blonde cropped hair, definition to his body, strong bone structure. To me, very good looking not beautiful. Jeff was beautiful.... I shook my head to rid myself of them thoughts. I had been doing so well, it must be the season. Jeff always made sure Christmas was perfect for me.

'Honey, I know you thought you had all your presents on Christmas but I have one more for you at your parents.' Craig said looking over to me and smiling.

I grinned back.

'What is it?' I said bouncing up and down in my seat.

'Well if I told you then it wouldn't be a suprise would it?' he laughed back.

I slumped down in my seat and pretended to sulk. 'I don't like suprises.'

'Trust me you will love this one...' he smiled at me once again, before turning back to face the road.

I was woken gently by Craig as we pulled up at my parents. 'Sweetie, your gift it waiting for you... it looks very excited...'

I opened my eyes and look at Craig, wondering what on earth he was talking about then I looked over to my parents and saw it. My mum was holding a very excitable little puppy.....oh.....hang on.....that was my present! A puppy! It had a black and red bow tied around its collar. I squealed and frightened Craig. Laughing at his face I jumped out of the car and ran over to the Carolina puppy and picked him up, letting him lick my face I started giggling.

'Errrrm hello Jess!' my mum said laughing and giving me a hug.

'Oh sorry! Hi mum!' I responded taking my eyes off the puppy only for a second to quickly hug my mum and dad before playing with the puppy again.

Craig walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around his waist and whispered in my ear.

'I know how lonley you get when I go away so he is here to keep you company. And he can become friends with Matt's and Shannon's dogs. I wanted to say and Jeff's but thought it was best not to, they were techincally Matt's now seeing as Jeff left them with him.

He kissed my cheek and went and greeted my parents. I was still too excited by this little puppy and followed them into the house.

The day was spent laughing and chatting and eating one of mum's amazing Christmas dinners before falling down on the sofa exhausted watching tv. I had the puppy on my lap stroking his ears while making small conversation with my dad, I still didn't fully forgive him for how he treated Jeff and I guess it showed as we were running out of things to say to eachother.

'So what are you going to name him?' my mum interuppted the chat with my dad and I was thankful she did.

'I dunno, I want to think about it, give him a name he deserves to match his personality.' I replied.

'Well you have to call him something for now then,' spoke Craig. 'How about baby boy for now?'

Baby Girl.

I blinked rapidly removing thoughts of Jeff from my head once again.

Looking at Craig I smiled. 'Yeah he can be our baby boy for now.'

After the long drive back home I carried Baby Boy to our room and laid him at the bottom of the bed, walking into the bathroom I overheard Craig talking to him.

'Your making your mummy very happy Baby Boy, thank you.' He chuckled quietly as Baby Boy let out a small yap.

I smiled to myself, Craig was a good man.


	9. Chapter 9

New Years Bang

_**PLEASE R&R!**_

It was New Years Eve and Craig had to go away for work.

'Honeyyyyyy, don't go.' I said clinging to him, partially joking, partially not.

He laughed. 'Sweetie I have to.' he replied pulling my arms from around his waist.

'Nooooooooooo!' I cried again, laughing aswell now.

He gave me a quick kiss on the lips and went to pick up his bag. I wished he would give me more passion in his kisses.

'Love you.' he said as he turned to walk out the door.

'Love you.' I replied watching the door shut behind him, feeling deflated for a second I sat on the bed, Baby Boy jumped on my lap and started licking my face.

'Okay, okay.' I laughed 'You will get to meet your new friends soon.' I was going to Matt's New Year Eves party tonight and Baby Boy would finally get to meet his and Shannon's dogs. It would be good to have a party tonight with the old gang. I was really looking forward to it. PLacing Baby Boy back on the bed I walked into the bathroom and took a shower.

Stepping back across mine and Craigs room I opened my wardrobe. I gave up caring what I looked like once Jeff left but mine and Craig's fresh start brought back my passion for clothes. Picking out my clothes I started to get ready.

Looking in the mirror I liked what I saw, the strapless black dress hugged my curves and showed off my tattoo on my back which said 'Blessed' in old gothic writing. I got it not long after me and Jeff started seeing eachother as thats how I felt with him, at one time. It stopped just above the knee with a split going up the side. They went well with the heels Craig had brought me for Christmas, bright red with an ankle strap and thin high heel. A red choker with small diamond hanging off of the silk finished off the look and went well with my bright red locks which hung straight, around my shoulders. Smokey eyes and a dash of red gloss made it complete. Attatching the lead to Baby Boy's collar I walked downstairs and headed out the front door.

I enjoyed the walk to Matt's, the crisp air alighting my senses. It took longer than normal though as Baby Boy insisted on stopping every 5 mintues to sniff lamp posts. Walking up to Matt's door I breathed in, they hadn't seen me dressed like this since Jeff left and I was a bit nervous. I don't know why as they were my best friends but I just did.

'Jess!' Matt greeted me. 'WOW. Your hot girly!' he hugged me and we laughed.

'And who is this cute little fella.' he said picking up Baby Boy and greeting him.

'At the moment he is called Baby Boy as I haven't decided on a proper name yet.' Matt screwed up his nose at that name.

'Don't worry, he spoke to Baby Boy, 'we will think of something better for you!'

I playfully slapped Matt and he ushered me inside. The group was sitting in the living room, relaxing before everyone else turned up.

'Fucking hell Jess, check you out!' exclaimed Meg as she ran up to me! 'If I was that way inclined I would be interested!'

'Heyheyhey!' Matt followed me in with Baby Boy in his arms. 'There is no way that will happen....unless you let me watch!' Both me and Meg slapped him now and Baby Boy barked.

'Yeah you tell 'em Rufus!' spoke Matt.

'Rufus?? There is no way you are calling my dog Rufus!' I said as I took Baby Boy off of Matt and sat down next to Shannon placing the puppy on my lap.

'Better than Baby Boy.' muttered Matt as he walked off to finish getting the house ready before everyone else arrived.

'Seroiusly Jess, you look good.' said Meg as she sat opposite me.

I thanked her and then explained to everyone what happened the day after the wedding and how it had changed our relationship, giving me a new lease of life. Once I had finished no one spoke at first the Shannon spoke.

'Good for you girl, its about time you moved on, glad to see you happy again.'

I smiled at him.

'Come on people! Its New Years Eve! Lets party already!' exclaimed Matt walking back into the room and we all laughed. I put Baby Boy down and he ran over to the other dogs and started play fighting, while I helped myself to a beer off of Matt.

Time to let my hair down and have some fun!

As the night went on, more people turned up, mostly wrestlers so I wasn't really clued up on who they were. I was tipsy though so it didn't really matter, I was chatting like I had known them forever. I danced with Meg and a few other people. We were all having a good time.

At about 11.15 there was a knock at the door and Matt went to get it. I had my back turned to the doorway talking to some other random superstar when everyone went silent. I was confused until I heard someone speak.

'You look good Jess.'

The voice hit me like a bolt of lightening. I would recognise that southern drawl anywhere. Slowly turning around I came face to face with him.

'Jeff.' was all I could say.


	10. Chapter 10

Finding the right words to say I'm sorry

_**Please R&R!**_

It felt like I was dreaming, I couldn't believe he was standing in front of me. If I wasn't so aware of everyone staring I would have physically pinched myself. He seemed uncomfortable in the surroundings and glanced around at the sea of faces. Not suprising seeing as they all had a pretty pissed off look on them. The silence was broken by Baby Boy yapping at my feet, I snapped out of my trance and picked him up.

'Cute dog,' said Jeff, trying to make small talk. 'Is he yours?'

'Yeah, Craig brought him for me.' I replied stonily. I imagined if I ever saw him again I would run into his arms, I didn't expect this anger that was rising through my body.

'Craig? Is he....is he your boyfriend?' he asked, I could see him almost grimace waiting for the answer.

'Husband actually.'

If I had stabbed him it would have probaly hurt him less, the pain showed in his eyes, he managed to compose himself quickly though.

'So....' he muttered to nobody in particular.

'Yeah?' I replied.

'We should probaly talk....in private.' he said suddenley aware of all the people again.

Before I had a chance to answer Meg stepped forward.

'What the hell Jeff? You walk back into Jess's life after the way you left it and just expect everything to be made better by talking. You know what you can do, you can fu....' She was stopped mid flow by Matt putting his hand over her mouth and pulling her back.

We both turned back to eachother after the outburst. I was drawn back into his eyes...

'Right come on then we will go talk, but don't expect anything to change.' I said as I turned on my heel and walked out into the back garden. Jeff following me and everyone's eyes also following us. SHutting the door to make sure nobody could hear I sat on the porch.

Jeff sat down next to me, leaving some space between us and turning towards me. I kept looking straight ahead, knowing full well what might happen if I turned to face him and caught a glimpse of his gorgeous smile. He knew how to wrap me around his finger with that smile...

I opened my bag and got my cigarettes out, taking one out of the packet I lit it and inhaled, offering the pack to Jeff who also took one and did the same.

'Talk then.' I said with no emotion in my voice.

'Wow, I knew you would probaly be pissed, but not this bad.' he replied staring at the side of my face.

I snapped my head towards him and saw red.

'Pissed! Shouldn't be this pissed?!' I hissed, well aware of the fact we were probaly being listened to. 'You fucking walked out on me Jeff, just upped and left, leaving me with a piss poor excuse for an apology and a fucking CD!'

He didn't take his eyes away from mine.

'I didn't know how to say goodbye...' he whispered.

'Why did you say goodbye in the fucking first place?' My voice was starting to raise now. 'We had just lost our fucking baby and then I lost you! You decided you couldn't handle the pressure and you walked. If you loved me as much as you said you did, you would have NEVER done that to me. I needed you and you fucking went.' Tears started to form in my eyes and Jeff went to brush them away.

'Don't fucking touch me!' I spat and he quickly retracted.

'I'm....I'm.....' Jeff stuttered.

'Spit it out, we haven't got all night.' I said abruptly, turning back out to the darkness.

'I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry for leaving you. I can't give you a reason as I haven't got one, it has played on my mind everyday since I left. I have wanted to come back so many times but the longer I left it the harder it got. Mabye I didn't think you needed me as you were pushing me away...Mabye I thought you wanted me to go...'

I turned back to him. 'Don't you DARE blame me Jeff! You were the one that went, we were going through a tough time and you walked away because you couldn't deal with your own guilt. Thats what your problem was.'

He hung his head low and sighed, running his fingers through his multi-coloured hair. I sat staring at the top of his head, I was seething, I could have never imagined I would be like this with Jeff but I was.

'There has been no one else you know Jess, no one. Not even slept with a girl. You were the only one for me. You still are the only one for me. I'm sorry, thats all I can say. I love you Jess, always have, always will.' he said softly as I saw a tear fall onto his jeans, I softened slightly. It always killed me to see Jeff upset.

'Do you realise what you put me through?' I asked after a moments silence.

He nodded still looking down.

'It's going to take more than a sorry to change that.' I continued. 'I'm married Jeff. I've moved on. Its over.' While saying those words I was wishing I wasn't, why did he always have this effect on me?

'Its never going to be over Jess,' he replied looking up at me.' I won't let that happen. We were meant for eachother and nothing will stop us. I'm back for good now and I will do anything to prove it. I will always fight for you Jess until I get you back.

I shook my head, crying now. 'Its been two years Jeff, the door has closed on 'us.'

He shook his head now, moving slightly closer to me. 'It's not closed Jess, I know I have a lot of making up to do and I will, but please don't say its closed.'

I looked into his eyes, he was only centimetres away from my face now.

We sat there just looking at eachother, I could feel his breath on my skin and it gave me goosebumps.

In the background we could hear everyone counting down to midnight.

10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...

'Happy New Year.' Jeff whispered and moved in closer, his lips brushing against mine. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, he pushed his lips harder onto mine now and gently bit my bottom lip. I slowly opened my mouth slightly allowing his tongue to push deeper, responding with the same intensity. He placed his hands on my face and for a second I melted into the kiss. All of the sudden I opened my eyes.

Craig.

I quickly pulled back and placed my fingers to my lips. Looking at him, he started to smile.

I shook my head. 'No....' I whispered. 'This can't happen, I'm married, your too late.'

'It's never too late Jess.' he whispered back.

'It is.' I said, trying to stand up, I was shaking and couldn't quite manage it. Jeff stood up and crouching down placed his hands on my hips to help me up. I felt a jolt of electricity shoot through my body.

'DON'T TOUCH ME JEFF!' I shouted, so confused by my feelings towards him.

I heard everyone inside go silent again and not caring what anyone thought as they looked around I slapped him hard on the face and opened the glass door, running past them all and into the bathroom.

Slamming and locking the door I rested my back against it. Sliding down onto the floor I started crying. _Well this just fucks up everything._


	11. Chapter 11

Aftermath

_**Please R and R! Thanks!**_

_Why did he have to come back? Everything was working out just fine and he had to come back. _Jess thought, the tears flowing freely now.

There was a knock at the door and I held my breath until I heard a voice.

'Come on Jess, let me in.' It was Meg.

I scrambled up and wiped my eyes on the back of my hand. Opening the door, I peeked out. Meg and Matt were standing there, both with concerned looks on their faces.

'You in, you out.' I said pointing to Meg then Matt.

Meg looked at Matt then walked in shutting the door behind her and locking it once again.

'Where is he?' I asked looking to the floor.

'With the others, if it makes you feel better they are giving him hell.' She chuckled slighlty until I looked up at her, causing her to stop immediatley. This was not the time for jokes.

'Why is he still here?' I questioned again looking back down at my shoes. The shoes Craig brought me, The lovely Craig.

'As much as you hate the situation Jess, he is still Matt's brother, he can't just kick him out.' She whispered, knowing how much it was hurting me.

I sighed, I knew he couldn't, it was understandable.

'Look at me.' Meg said.

I continued looking to the floor.

'I said look at me Jess.' she said with more force this time.

I snapped my head up. _W__hat was her problem?_

'Its time for some tough love.' she said answering my thought. 'You have Craig now Jess and by the sounds of it things are going brilliant. I'm not going to let you screw him over by falling for Jeff again. You were hurt, by Jeff. Don't do it to Craig.'

I stared at her. Didn't she realise I never got back up after Jeff left?

'Now we understand if you don't want to stay the night now. But your going to have to face him at some point because judging by what he was saying out there he is back for good.' she continued.

'I will stay, I'm not giving up my friends...again.' I muttered trying to sound more sure than I was feeling.

'Thats the attitude,' she replied sounding less harsh now. She placed her hands on my shoulders. 'We are just as much your friends as we are his and we are not losing you again.'

I smiled at her.

'Now come on, you didn't dress up to sit in a bathroom all night did you?' she laughed again now.

I let out a small laugh, to be polite, when in reality I just wanted to cry again.

'I brought in your bag, as I guessed you would have black streaks running down your face.'

I looked in the mirror and started to try and wipe them away.

'Now you sort yourself out and come out when your ready.' she spoke again walking towards the door. 'And Jess, remember, we are all here for you, your not the only one pissed at him.'

I smiled at her again but didn't say anything. Returning my smile she walked out of the room and closed the door.

I looked back at the mirror and breathed in deep. Was I ready for this?


	12. Chapter 12

Facing the music

I walked into the lounge and everyone went silent. I guessed they were talking about me before I appeared. I noted that most of the guests had left, only leaving the gang. I couldn't blame them it wasn't exactly a great way to celebrate the New Year. I mentally kicked myself and promised I would apologise to Matt later when I had a chance. The only seat available was next to Shannon so I sat down, unfortunately it was directly opposite Jeff.

The uncomfortable silence was deafening. Baby Boy jumped onto my lap and I smiled. Petting him gently I looked at his furry little face. _Why couldn't people be more like dogs? _I thought. _They love you unconditionally and they never leave you in times of trouble._

'Thought of a name yet?' Matt asked, breaking me from my thoughts.

'Not Rufus!' I laughed while Matt pretended to look hurt.

'Spike.' said Shannon

'NO!' us girls chorused.

'Killer.' said Greg.

'God no!' I laughed.

'Fluffy.' suggested Amiee and I shook my head, a bemused look on my face.

We all fell into silence again as we looked at Baby Boy, he looked back up at me panting.

'Nero.'

I looked at Jeff and he held my intense glare, his eyes burning into mine. I felt like he could see right into my soul. Feeling exposed I looked back down at Baby Boy.

_How dare he?! _I thought. _Comes strolling back in here after going AWOL for years and expects me to name my dog after him! My dog that my husband brought me! He was fucking crazy!_

Yet part of me also liked the name, I always loved Jeff's middle name...

_No. Snap out of it! _I scolded myself. _Don't get drawn in again._

'How about Joey?' said Meg, trying to ease the escalating tension.

_Joey..._

_Joey. _I pondered while looking at Baby Boy.

'Yeah...I like it.' I smiled at Meg and she relaxed back into her chair, satisfied she had stopped another possible argument.

A couple of hours later we were all still sitting there. Each couple talking amongst themselves, they gave up trying to have a group converstation including me and Jeff about an hour ago. So we both just sat there, me absent-mindedly stroking Joey's head trying to look anywhere but at Jeff.

I could feel him watching me while the hushed tones of Shannon's and Aimee's loving chat filled my ears, deafening me by reminding me Craig was not here and pushing forward my re-developing feelings for Jeff while I was trying to push them back down.

Jeff stood up which made me glance in his direction as I watched him walk towards Matt's CD collection. Plucking one out of the rack he moved to the CD player and put it in. Picking up the remote he walked back over and sat down. Making sure he caught my eye as he pressed play.

The first notes filled the room and I laid my head back and closed my eyes, anything to avoid Jeff's stare.

You could be happy

And I won't know

But you weren't happy

The day I watched you go

I sighed, he was at it again. Trying to talk to me through music.

And all the things

That I wished I had not said

Are played in loops 'till its madness

In my head

Jeff coughed and I lifted my head to look at him. He raised an eyebrow and let out a small smile. _But he did say them. _I thought. _He said them and he left me at my lowest point._

Is it too late to remind you

How we were

But not our last days of silence

Screaming, blur

He continued to look at me. It should be too late, I was with Craig, but a small part of me hoped it wasn't, this pushing back down my emotions thing wasn't working too well.

Most of what I remember

Makes me sure

I should have stopped you

From walking out that door

'I didn't walk,' I whispered 'You did.'

Jeff hung his head.

You could be happy

I hope you are

You made me happier

Than I'd been by far

I was finally happy, until he came back and threw my feelings all back up in the air.

Somehow everything I own

Smells of you

And for the tiniest moment

Its all not true

I felt a tear drop from my eye and I quickly wiped it away hoping he didn't see.

Do the things

That you always wanted to

Without me there to hold you back

Don't think, just do

More than anything

I want to see you, girl

Take a glorious bite

Out of the world

The song finished and the room went silent, pulling my eyes away from Jeff I noticed we were the only two left in the room.


	13. Chapter 13

Uncomfortable situation 

Wanting to break the moment between us I got up and grabbed my overnight bag. I decided to go to the bathroom and get ready for bed, hoping against hope Jeff wasn't there when I returned, I knew he still had a room here and prayed he would give up and go upstairs.

Getting into the bathroom, I locked the door behind me and dropped my bag on the floor, thanking myself for remembering my bed clothes, cotton tracksuit bottoms and a long sleeved t-shirt, not wanting Jeff to see any part of my body if he was still there when I got out. Taking my make-up off I stared at myself in the mirror, trying to work out what I was going to do about this situation. I came up with nothing. My head knew Craig was the right choice but my heart longed for Jeff, his touch, his smell, his kiss...

Shaking my head to remove these thoughts, I continued getting ready for bed, slipping off my dress, I folded it neatly and placed it on the side. Sighing, I got into my night wear and placing my dress in my bag, I picked it up and unlocked the door, turning off the light I walked back into the lounge.

I froze, Jeff had pulled out the sofa bed for me and was sitting on it, why was he still here?

'Why are you still here?' I spoke aloud.

He turned to look at me and smiled, I suddenly wished I was wearing a lot more, a parka coat and big boots with only my face peeking out of the hood. Folding my arms across my braless chest I asked again.

'Well Jeff, what are you doing here, haven't you got a room upstairs?'

'Greg and Janey have got it so I'm sleeping there.' He was pointing to the other sofa.

My legs felt weak, he was going to be in the same room as me all night, we were alone, I hoped he wasn't planning anything, I wasn't sure I would be able to resist.

'Well can you get off my bed then?' I asked, keeping with the stony persona.

He got up and walked over to the other sofa, kicking off his shoes, he unbuckled his belt and undoing his trousers he pulled them down. Removing his socks and t-shirt he was standing there in just his boxers. I couldn't take my eyes away from him.

'Like what you see?' he chuckled, a cheeky glint flashed in his eyes.

I opened and closed my mouth like a fish, unable to speak, god I missed that gorgeous body of his.

'Shut up Jeff.' Was all I could reply as I quickly turned round and bent over the bed to straighten my pillows.

'I'm certainly liking what I see,' he whispered 'Man I missed that hot little body of yours...'

I stood up straight and quickly spun back round to him.

'Listen Jeff,' I spat 'This is a far from ideal situation and if I had my way you would be sleeping outside. So please just stay where you are and stop talking to me like that, I'm married now.' I think I was reminding myself as much as I was reminding him.

'I always knew you would make a sexy ass little wifey.' he chuckled again.

'Too bad I'm not yours.' I replied

He looked hurt and I instantly felt bad.

'Goodnight Jeff.' I whispered as I turned the light off and got into bed. I heard him sigh and lay down on the sofa.

Laying in the darkness, a million thoughts running through my head I heard Jeff whisper.

'You know Jess, I didn't want it to happen like this, I wish I never left. I wish you were my wife now, not his.'

I caught my breathe and strained to hear what he would say next.

'I've never met Craig and I already hate him, he has my girl.'

I didn't reply, instead I pretended I was asleep. I was scared of what I might say. _I wish you didn't leave Jeff, I, too, wish I was your wife..._

I finally fell into a fitful sleep. But I kept dreaming about Craig and Jeff, I was so confused. I woke up still sleepy and turned and laid on my side. About 10 minutes later I felt a pressure on the bed next to me. A body pushed against my back and an arm wrapped around my waist, snuggling into the person I muttered.

'Craig...'

I felt the person, I thought was Craig in my sleepy state, nuzzle their face into my neck and I responded by twisting my head slightly so they could press their lips against my neck. Their gentle kisses felt so good and a warm feeling rushed through me.

'I love you.' I whispered into the darkness.

The lips pulled away from my neck and gently trailed their way up to my ear.

'I love you too Baby Girl.' the voice said and my eyes fluttered open.

I rolled over and tried to make out the face in the darkness.

'Jeff.' I squeaked.

'Yes baby?' he whispered.

I pulled away from the embrace and held my hand over my mouth, shocked at what he was doing.

'What do you think your doing?' I managed to rasp.

'What does it look like?' he said as he tried to pull me back towards him.

'No Jeff,' I said as I pushed him away. 'I'm married.'

'So you keep saying Baby Girl, but who are you trying to convince, me.....or yourself?' he questioned as he stopped trying to pull me towards him. I could imagine the look on his face, the longing that I had felt for so long.

'You Jeff,' I stammered. 'I know I'm married.'

'You know you married the wrong man.' he replied

I sighed.

'You wasn't there Jeff, I couldn't wait around for you when I didn't know if you were even going to return.'

'I know and I'm sorry, I really am. But this is killing me Jess, your my girl, you always were and you always will be.' he said and he moved his head closer to mine.

I could feel our lips were only centimetres apart.

'This is wrong Jeff.' I whispered as I moved slightly closer to him.

'Doesn't feel wrong.' he replied as he pushed his lips onto mine. I responded. I wanted to taste him earlier on this evening, I didn't want to pull away, his kiss was so good, our lips fitted together perfectly.

He ran his hands up and down my back and I shivered.

Pulling him on top of me I ran my fingers through his, now loose, hair, feeling it rest on my shoulders as he moved down to my neck again and gently bit my skin. I lifted my chin, sighing. I knew I should have pushed him away again, not pulled him closer to me but I couldn't help myself, he was like my drug, I had to have him.

His hand started to slide up my top and I held his head up.

'Stop Jeff.' I panted. 'We can't do this, I can't do this to Craig.'

He sighed and rolled off of me. Flopping back onto the pillow he sighed again.

'I'm sorry,' he said after a while. 'I know your married and I shouldn't be doing this to you. It's not fair on you.'

'I'm just so confused.' I said as I started crying. I felt him wrap his arms around me and I buried my head into his chest, sobbing..

'We will work something out.' he soothed, which made me sob harder, he didn't get it did he? I was torn between him and Craig. I had Jeff on one hand, my soul mate, my true love but I was so angry at him for what he done yet I couldn't find it in myself to fully stop loving him. And on the other hand I had Craig, kind, sweet Craig, who loved me though everything, who forgave me for mentally cheating on him with my thoughts of Jeff. I wanted them both, yet I knew I could only have one.

I cried myself to sleep wrapped in Jeff's arms.


	14. Chapter 14

Within your heart, keep one still, secret spot where dreams may go

When I awoke I noticed Jeff was gone. For a split second I couldn't remember whether I dreamt last night, but rolling over and smelling the pillow where his head lay I knew it was real. I hoped that Jeff had got up before anyone come downstairs, Jeff in my bed would have been difficult to explain.

Swinging my feet out of bed I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I could hear laughter coming from the kitchen and I stood up and padded out.

'Hey guys.' I smiled, walking into the room.

'Morning sleepy head!' Matt shouted in my ear and I slapped him, which caused him to laugh, knowing he had frightened the life out of me. 'You got up just in time, Shannon was just about to eat your breakfast!'

I pretended to glare at Shannon who just blushed and I laughed.

'What's the plan for today then?' I said while tucking into the gorgeous food that Meg had prepared.

'You girls are going to get food for dinner, while us men lounge on the sofa drinking beer.' said Greg, causing Janey to playfully punch him on the shoulder.

We all laughed and I looked around the table noticing Jeff was missing.

'Where's Jeff?' I said, trying to act like I wasn't really bothered.

'Gone for a walk in the woods.' Said Meg. 'Maybe you should go talk to him...' suggested Meg, unaware of what went on last night.

'Maybe.' I replied nonchalantly.

The silence was back.

'Look guys, I know the situation is awkward, to say the least but don't feel you have to tip toe around the subject he is back and I will just have to adjust to it.' I said

'Who's back?' Jeff said, walking into the kitchen, knowing full well we were talking about him.

I looked up at him, under my eyelashes and let out a small smile. He grinned back at me and I quickly glanced around to make sure no one saw. _Shit. _Meg was looking straight at us, her mouth wide open. _She knows! She knows! _I panicked and as if on cue...

'Jess, can you help me pick out what to wear for dinner this afternoon.' she said getting up and walking around to me.

'Sure.' I replied, looking down to my plate.

'Now.' she stated.

She grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the room and upstairs, leaving everyone watching us, wondering what the hell was going on.

As I was being dragged out of the room I swear I heard Jeff mutter 'Fuck.'

Getting into Matt and Meg's room she slammed the door.

'Right, what the hell is going on Jess, I saw that look you gave each other, oh my god you kissed him again, oh my god you want him back, oh my god you slept with him didn't you?!' she dramatically whispered the end bit.

'Calm down Meg!' I screeched. Not wanting everyone to hear her panic attack. 'Yes I kissed him again, well actually he kissed me, but then again I didn't pull away.' I started to babble.

'Did you sleep with him?' she asked, stern.

'No.' I replied just as stern.

'Good.' she replied, looking into my eyes to see if I was lying. I kept her stare and she eventually back down, she flopped onto her bed.

'Don't get messed up in this again Jess. You have Craig now, don't do to him what Jeff done to you, he broke your heart and it has never fully healed. Do you want Craig to feel that pain?'

I looked at her, she was right, the victim in all of this wasn't me, it was Craig. I had been a bitch.

'I don't know what to do!' I cried laying down next to her.

'There is only one thing you can do.' she replied.

I turned my head and looked at her.

'What?'

'Tell Jeff your not interested and that this is the end for you both, then sort your relationship out with Craig.' The way she said it made it seem so simple. But I knew it wasn't.

I sighed, she was absolutely right. I would tell Jeff now. I would tell him nothing could ever happen between us again, that I was with Craig and that was it.

It sounded easy in my head but I knew it wouldn't be in reality. This could end in tears, for both of us...


	15. Chapter 15

Closing the door on the past

I walked down the stairs and picking my cigarettes up on route, straight through the kitchen and out to the back. Not saying a word to anyone for fear of breaking down. They knew something had happened upstairs.

Once I got to the woodland I sat down in a clear patch and pulled out a cigarette, shaking, I managed to light it and inhaled. Sitting there, my mind raced. _How was I going to tell Jeff? Shall I tell Craig about Jeff? _I didn't get much time to plan the conversation with Jeff as I heard leaves crunching underfoot and felt someone stop behind me. Bending down they wrapped their arms around my shoulders.

'What happened back there Baby Girl?' he asked resting his forehead on my right shoulder.

I unwrapped his arms from around me and turned around to face him. He looked confused.

'I...I...' I started, unable to get the words out.

Jeff looked at me, nodding for me to continue.

'I can't do this Jeff. Us. It won't work. I couldn't live with the worry of you running off again when things get difficult. You really hurt me last time and I can't go through that pain again. I've only just got over it.'

I flicked my cigarette and proceeded to light another one.

'When I was marrying Craig, I wanted to believe it was you. My heart was longing for you. I wanted to run down the aisle, far, far away. I wanted to run away, like you did.'

He sat down properly now and reached for my free hand, I quickly retracted it, not wanting him to make this harder for me than it already was.

'I don't see a future for us Jeff. I love Craig, I want to spend my life with Craig. I want it all, the little house with the white picket fence, the kids, the dog. I don't think you can give me that. Craig can.' I chocked back the tears now, I knew I was going to cry.

'So you want to be with Craig because of the material things he can give you? I can give you those things. Just say and you will get them. I can also offer you other things Jess. What about passion? I know Craig can't kiss you the way I can, he can't make you go weak at the knees with just a touch.'

He stroked my cheek and I shivered.

'I bet he can't make love to you the way I can Jess.' he whispered.

'You can't base a relationship, a partnership, on sex Jeff.' I replied, annoyed at how accurate he was about Craig and his lack of passion.

'I know but I also know he can never love you as much as I can Jess, As much as I do.' he was pleading with me now. 'I love you Jess, I fucking love you. Don't say you don't love me because I know you do. I know you want me back as much as I want you back. Your my world. I can never say sorry enough to make up for what I did, but believe when I say I thought I was doing what was best for you. It was a mistake, I now know you needed me there but I thought you hated me for what happened and I didn't want to be a constant reminder for you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!'

'I don't love you Jeff.' I lied.

'I said don't say that!' he cried 'You know you do. Don't lie to me Jess. If your telling me the truth look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me and I will go. I will get up, go inside, pack my bag and go again. Leaving you to your life with Craig. I will never ever bother you again.'

I looked up and locked eyes with Jeff, I was silent. I could see him clenching his jaw, fear in his eyes.

'I don't love you Jeff.' I lied again. Inside I felt like I was dying. My heart physically hurt.

He stared at me for a minute, a tear falling from his beautiful green eyes.

'Your lying.' he said.

'I'm not.' I replied, keeping my expression neutral to hide what I was really feeling.

'I don't just want Craig for the material things he can offer me. I want him for the security he can offer me. You can't offer me that. You run away. Craig stays with me and doesn't leave when it gets too much.' I knew how harsh it sounded.

He threw his fists to the ground and I jumped.

'You can't end it like this Jess. This isn't over.' he whispered.

I started crying, big fat tears rolled down my cheeks. Standing up I wiped the tears from my eyes.

'It is over Jeff.' I said and walked past him.

'This isn't the end Jess!' he shouted. 'I will get you back, whatever it takes!'

I continued walking towards Matt and Meg's house.

'I love you Jess!' he shouted again, I could hear he was crying, and I continued to ignore him when all I wanted to do was turn around and run back into his arms.

I walked in through the back door and ignored the questions I was bombarded with. Walking through to the living room I picked up my bag and Joey and headed out the front door, not looking back.

Once I got around the corner I fell to the floor and started crying again. I couldn't breathe and Joey kept trying to lick my face, yapping and jumping into my lap. I could feel people staring at me, this strange woman sitting in the middle of the path, hyperventilating.

What now?


	16. Chapter 16

Craig's Return

I somehow managed to stumble home and unlocking my front door, ran into the bedroom and threw myself onto the bed. Burying my face into the pillow I felt numb. I had cried all my tears and now I just felt empty. I hoped this feeling would ease eventually but I knew it wouldn't as long as Jeff was around. _He said he wouldn't give up._ I thought. Part of me felt elated, he still wanted me, as much as I wanted him, deep down. But part of me hurt also, I had Craig, mine and Jeff's chance to be together had gone.

Sighing, I turned over and laid on my back. Looking up to the ceiling I wondered what I was going to tell Craig. I had to tell him Jeff was back, he would find out eventually and he would be suspicious if I said nothing before. I was just going to leave out the part about us and what happened, he didn't need to know as it wasn't going to happen again. I was sure of it.

I laid there for about an hour just thinking about everything that had happened previously when I heard the front door being unlocked. I jumped up off the bed and rushed to the door. I was greeted by the sight of Craig dragging his suitcase in. I ran and jumped into his arms, burying my head into his neck. Pulling back I looked at him and smiled.

'What are you doing back? I thought you weren't back until tomorrow.' I gasped.

'Hey! Well that's a very nice welcome.' he grinned, while I once again buried my head into his neck. Guilt about last nights events already threatening to swallow me. I think I was over compensating for it.

'The meeting was over quicker than we thought. I thought I would come home, get dressed and surprise you at Matt's...Why aren't you at Matt's?' he questioned.

I breathed in deeply. _This is it. _I thought.

'Ermmmm...yeah....about that,' I paused. 'Jeff's back.'

Craig dropped me immediately. A look of worry in his eyes.

'He's back?' he asked and I nodded.

He rubbed his chin. 'You didn't.....nothing happened did it?' he whispered.

'No.' I lied 'Nothing at all, he wasn't even interested, just wanted to come back to his family.'

'Sure?'

'Yep.'

He hugged me and I responded, gripping him tightly. We stayed like that for a moment.

'Let's go out for dinner tonight, just me and you.' he said, changing the subject obviously not wanting to think about Jeff.

'Okay.' I smiled. I needed to be with Craig now. I needed to forget about Jeff.

He cupped my face with his hands and leant in, caressing his lips with mine and instead of feeling the rush of love I was supposed to I was thinking something else.

_Jeff was right, Craig can't kiss me the way he can._

_Fuck._


	17. Chapter 17

The dinner date

I stepped into the shower and let the hot water rush over my body, trying to wash away the past 24 hours events. I was focusing on mine and Craig's dinner date tonight, this would be good for us. We needed this. I needed this. I'm sure Craig didn't know how much I needed this.

Stepping out I wandered into our bedroom and changed into some black flared trousers and a black and grey body con top. I put my hair into a quiff and let the rest fall loose around my shoulders. Coating my eyelashes with mascara and slicking on a bit of lip gloss, I examined myself in the mirror. I looked tired, so I put on some concealer and felt slightly better about my appearance. If I stopped making an effort Craig would know something was up. Grabbing my boots I headed in the lounge to find him sitting on the sofa watching sports. Walking up behind him I crouched down and wrapped my arms around his neck.

'Ready to go?' I whispered into his ear and he turned around.

'Wow.' he said looking me up and down. 'Looking as good as ever.' He winked and stood up.

'I love you Jess.'

'I love you...' _Jeff. _'Craig.' I smiled back at him.

****

We arrived at the restaurant and Craig got out and ran around to my side to open my door which made me giggle. Getting out I done a bowed and we both laughed. We were still laughing when we walked into the restaurant, then I stopped.

Sitting at the back of the restaurant, was the gang...and Jeff. He looked miserable, just playing with his bottle of beer while the rest were chatting and laughing.

'Maybe we should go somewhere else.' I said to Craig, not taking my eyes off of them.

'I've booked a table here Jess,' he replied 'Why do you wanna go?'

'Look over there.' I nodded in their direction.

'And?' he questioned me. 'If he doesn't feel anything for you any more it shouldn't be a problem, should it?'

I turned and looked at him now, his eyes looking deep into mine.

'No, just thought it might be awkward for you.' I stammered.

'I'm okay Jess.' he replied getting the waiters attention. 'Table for two please, under the name of Jenner.'

'Ah yes, here we are Sir.' said the waiter scanning the seating plan, right this way.

He led us through the restaurant, we were getting nearer to them. I held my breath.

'This is your table for the evening.' he said pointing to the 2 seater table right in front of the gang.

'Haven't you got another table.' I whispered to him.

'Unfortunately not madam.' he replied. 'It's New Years Day, we are fully booked.'

I nodded thanks and sat down on the chair he pulled out for me.

'Hey Jess.' Meg said across the tables and I looked at her and smiled. I saw Jeff look up, out of the corner of my eye. He looked at me and then Craig and then back at me. His eyes came to rest on Craig again, he was giving him daggers, I cringed, thank god Craig was to busy talking to Matt, Shannon and Greg to notice.

'Your more than welcome to join up with us if you want, we haven't eaten yet either.' Meg tried to talk to me again. Craig spoke for me.

'Sorry guys and girls but I want to spend some time with my gorgeous wife, I missed her.' he smiled at me and grabbed my hand. 'Maybe some other time.'

The girls chorused 'Ahhhh.' I glanced at Jeff and could see him gripping his bottle now, so much so his knuckles went white, still giving Craig a death stare.

'You must be Jeff.' he got up and held out his hand. Everyone looked at them both, waiting to see Jeff's reaction.

'Yeah.' said Jeff, leaving Craig's hand hanging in mid air, he retracted it. 'Your Craig right?'

'That would be me.' He smiled.

'Jess has said a lot about you.' Jeff looked at me now and I looked down to my plate.

'Aw Jess, you been talking to your friends about me!' he grinned making a silly face and I half smiled at him.

No one else had spoke since this interaction between them both had started. I think they all gathered, including Jeff, that I hadn't told Craig the full story.

'I'll call you.' I said to Meg ending the conversation between the two tables.

Throughout the starters I felt really uncomfortable. I could feel Jeff's eyes burning into me.

'I'm going for a cigarette.' I whispered to Craig and picking up my bag I walked out of the restaurant, hearing him crack some joke about me not being able to go through a whole dinner without a cigarette to the others. I mentally cringed, I was hoping they didn't know where I was going, hoping they thought I had gone to the toilet. He might follow me otherwise.


	18. Chapter 18

Stepping outside to clear my head

Standing in the cool breeze I looked around, it was surprisingly quiet on the street. Looking in my bag for my lighter I heard a noise next to me. Spinning around I saw Jeff standing there.

'What do you want?' I asked abruptly.

'To see you.' he replied unfazed by my rudeness.

'Well here I am now please just go Jeff,' I whined. 'Lets not make this harder on either of us.'

'Its harder not seeing you Jess. I need to see your face, your smile...' he whispered, leaning into me.

I pushed him back.

'Jeff!' I screeched 'What the hell are you doing, Craig is in there!'

'Well he needs to find out at some point...' he replied.

'Find out what Jeff? There is nothing to find out.'

'I beg to differ Jess.'

'Well beg to differ all you like Jeff, there is nothing to find out, as I said earlier we are over.'

He brushed my cheek.

'You know you don't want that Jess.'

I breathed in, loving the feel of his fingers on my cheek.

'It doesn't matter what we want Jeff, we need to do what is right.' I explained, hoping he would go away soon, I didn't want Craig seeing us.

'WE are right Jess.' he replied.

'No we aren't Jeff, it won't work, now please just go.' I was getting annoyed now, annoyed at Jeff for not getting the hint and annoyed at myself for craving him.

'Fine.' he sighed.

Before he turned to go, he leaned into me and whispered. 'This isn't over Jess, you know we belong together. We love eachother....'

With that he walked off, back into the restaurant, leaving me standing there shaking, not because of the temperature but because of the desire rushing through me.


	19. Chapter 19

Payback

I walked back into the restaurant, completely avoiding eye contact with any of the group.

'Sweetie, I'm not feeling very well, can we go home please?' I whispered to Craig, hoping Jeff didn't hear, I didn't want him to realise how much he affected me.

Reluctantly Craig asked for the bill and paid up, I know he was hoping for a nice romantic meal, that possibly lead to something else tonight but I just wasn't feeling it, not with the thoughts of Jeff rushing through my head and the guilt of last night rising through my body.

Standing up Craig came around the table and help me put on my coat.

'Leaving already?' Jeff asked as he saw this interaction and I glared at him wishing him away.

'Yeah, Jess doesn't feel too good so looks like its an early night for her. And not the good kind.' Craig replied trying to make light of the situation.

I saw the muscles in Jeff's face relax at hearing this. It annoyed me slightly. Craig was my husband, it was obvious what married couples do. I wanted Jeff to feel some of the hurt I felt when he left...

'Well you never know honey it might be just what I need.' I winked at Craig making sure I was loud enough for Jeff to hear.

Glancing out the corner of my eye I saw the anger in his face and inwardly smiled. Now he knows how it feels. He didn't have to know that I wasn't actually planning on doing anything, the thought was enough to drive him insane.

Turning to walk out the door I linked hands with Craig, imagining how much it was tormenting Jeff, two can play at this game.

Taking one last glance back at Jeff I smiled and walked out of the door...

Once outside my face dropped again, the small satisfaction at annoying Jeff had faded quickly and now I just felt guilt. It now felt wrong stooping to his level.

'Are you sure you okay baby?' Craig voice broke through my thoughts.

I nodded my head. 'I just don't feel well.'

'Lets get you home to bed then.' he smiled, kissing my forehead.

Helping me in the car, he closed the door and got in the drivers side. I leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes. I felt emotionally drained, couldn't wait to sleep.

I must have fallen asleep as the next thing I knew I felt Craig lifting me out of the car and into our home. Gently placing me in bed he unwrapped my arms from around his neck and pulled the covers up around me. I sighed and snuggled down.

Kissing me he whispered. 'Goodnight princess.'


	20. Chapter 20

The past never really leaves...

The next couple of weeks passed in a blur. I think I done everything as usual, through the haze in my head, but I could also feel myself pulling away from Craig, I promised myself Jeff coming back wouldn't change me and Craig but it did. It was always going to.

Coming home from work I unlocked the front door and went inside, throwing my keys on the table, I called for Craig. No answer. I knew he was here as I saw his car outside. I figured he must have been in the shower or something, I walked into the dining room and there on the table was a huge bunch of red and black roses. Craig sitting behind them, just looking at them.

I smiled.

'Awwww baby, you shouldn't have.' I said, walking towards them.

'I didn't.' He was abrupt and this unnerved me.

'Well, who did then?' I asked, wishing I didn't already know the answer.

Craig pushed a card towards me and shaking I picked it up. Opening it up my heart sank and leapt for joy all at the same time.

_**Jess,**_

_**I told you I wouldn't give up on you, us, and I meant it.**_

_**We belong together Baby Girl and I'm back for good.**_

_**Please give me another chance, I want to walk you down the aisle, to hold your hand when your in labour, to take our kids to the park....**_

_**Please....**_

_**Please....**_

_**I know the other night meant as much to you as it did to me.**_

_**Call me...**_

_**Love you**_

_**Jeff**_

_**xxxxx**_

I didn't know what to say to Craig, looking at him I noticed he had been crying, his eyes puffy and red and even though I felt so guilty, I couldn't help a small part of me also grinning inside. Jeff really was serious.

'It's not what you think.' I whispered, trying to ease the tension.

'What do I think?' he replied.

'You think I slept with Jeff.' I responded looking down to my feet.

'Would I be correct in thinking that?' he asked.

'No.' I stated, still looking down.

'THEN WHY THE HELL CAN'T YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND SAY THAT.' he roared.

I looked up at him. Tears starting to fill my eyes.

'It's not true.' I rasped.

'GET OUT.' he screamed and I looked at him.

'I SAID GET OUT!' he repeated himself.

I grabbed my bag and turned around, sobbing. Running towards the door I picked up my keys opened the door.

'Why won't you believe me?' I asked, knowing the reasons already. Not wanting to hear his reply I walked out and slammed the door behind me. I heard something smash from inside and presumed he had thrown the vase at the door. Imagining the scene I shook, beautiful roses, a sign of romance mixed with broken glass, a shattered heart, two shattered hearts and one cause, the person who brought the roses in the first place...


	21. Chapter 21

Running to Meg

There was only one place I could go, Meg's. I just hoped Jeff wasn't going to be there, things could get messy. Ringing ahead I asked Meg to make sure Jeff and Matt were out of the house as I needed some girly time. I think she could tell by my voice I was being deadly serious as I heard her scream to Matt and Jeff to get out the house. I think they wanted to know why but she wouldn't tell them, just told them to get out now, I heard some commotion in the background, then the door slam. Guessing they had left I told Meg I would be there in a few and hung up. My pace quickened, I wanted to get out of the cold and talk this all out with Meg. She could tell me what to do, she always knew what to do, thats what I admired about her, she wouldn't get herself in this sort of situation.

Knocking on her door, I begged her to hurry up, opening the door I fell into her arms and started sobbing, the tears I managed to hold back walking around here. She held me and stroked my hair as she whispered soothing tones in my ear.

'Whats wrong Jess?' she whispered.

'Craig...Jeff...flowers...argue...kicked out...' I couldn't form a sentence, instead a jumble of words fell out of my mouth. She ushered me inside and I took a seat on the couch, sitting beside me she put her arm around me and I managed to compose myself enough to tell her what had happened.

'...And then he told me to get out.' I finished, wiping the last tears from my eyes.

'I can't believe Jeff.' she shook her head, in utter dismay.

'I can.' I whispered.

We sat there in silence for a minute.

'What shall I do Meg?' I asked.

'Let me talk to Jeff,' she replied. 'He had no right to do that.'

'Don't.' I begged, 'Your only make it worse.'

She shook her head and sighed.

'I don't know what to tell you then Jess.' she looked at me.

We sat there for a while, both staring into space, my mind whirring with thoughts. Before I knew it, it was 11pm.

'You want something to eat?' Meg asked me and I shook my head, I didn't think I couldn't stomach any food.

'Where are you staying?' she asked, concern flashed in her eyes.

I shrugged.

'You can stay here.' she offered.

'Not with Jeff here.' I replied and she nodded.

'I think I will just get a motel somewhere for now.' I muttered.

'You sure you gonna be ok?' Meg questioned.

'Yeah, I gotta be.' I replied sounding more sure than I felt.

'Maybe Craig just needs to think. I'm sure he will come around.' She said.

'Maybe.' I replied and we fell into silence again.

It was broken by her phone ringing, I saw Matt's name flash up on the screen.

'Hey....Nah, I'm ok....Jess is here....Well I dunno, why?....5 mins?....yeah ok....love you too....bye.' she said into the phone. I figured they were on their way back and it was my cue to leave, getting up I picked up my bag, giving Meg a hug I pulled back and looked at her.

'If you need us, call, ok?' she ordered.

'Yes mum.' I joked.

'You will get through this Jess.' she said and I nodded.

Closing the front door behind me, I started walking down the deserted street, trying to remember where a motel was around here. I suddenly remembered something in my bag. Opening it up I scrambled around and pulled out a key. Holding it in my open hand, I looked at it. Could I? There were so many memories there, yet desperate times called for desperate measures. While I was contemplating my options I heard two male voices getting louder, they were heading in my direction, looking up I saw Jeff and Matt walking towards me. I tried to work out if they had spotted me or if I had enough time to run into the shadows when I heard Matt call my name. Too late.

'Jess! You okay chick?' he said, jogging towards me.

'Yeah fine.' I replied, devoid of emotion.

Jeff didn't say anything, just looked at me. I think Matt guessed I didn't want to talk.

'Okay well we are here if you need us ok?' he replied and I nodded thanks.

They both started walking off and I continued on my path. I could hear Jeff mutter something to Matt and Matt said something back. I didn't stop. I could hear Jeff getting closer to me. _Why couldn't he leave me alone?! _

'Jess!' he shouted and I speeded up.

'Jess.' he said again grabbing my shoulder.

'What?!' I shouted and he stepped back.

'What's wrong?' he asked, his green eyes full of worry.

'You know whats wrong Jeff.' I spat and he looked at me, confusion etched on his features.

'The flowers Jeff, the card, Craig found them and kicked me out.' I said.

'Oh Jess, I'm sorry...' he started and I interrupted.

'No your not sorry Jeff, don't spin me a line, you hoped this would happen!' I started crying again.

He tried to pull me into a hug and I tried to fight him off. Punching his chest I wanted to resist his hug, but he was too strong so I gave up and fell into his arms. Crying onto his chest I felt so weak.

'Why do you keep doing this to me Jeff? Why do you keep making me cry?' I whispered.

'I don't mean to Baby Girl.' he replied kissing my head.

'Well you do.' I replied into his chest.

'Sorry.'

'I know.'

We were standing in the middle of the street. Holding onto each other as if our lives depended on it. If anyone had saw us they would have presumed we were a couple madly in love, in a passionate embrace, at one time that would have been true.

'Where are you staying?' He asked.

'The house.'

'What house?'

'….Our house.'

'What?'

'Our house Jeff. I never sold it. I couldn't.' I replied.

'Oh.....Do you want me to come with you?' he hesitated before he asked.

I hesitated before I answered.

'Yes.'

Pulling out of his arms I turned to face the direction of the house. I started walking off and he jogged to catch up with me, draping his arm over my shoulder I didn't resist and we both walked side by side towards what was our home once upon a time.


	22. Chapter 22

Opening up old wounds

As we walked around the corner, I stopped suddenly, the house was within our sight and it made me catch my breath. I hadn't even been down this road let alone in the house since it all happened, since my life came crashing down around me all them years ago. Jeff seemed to notice my hesitation.

'You sure you wanna go in?' he asked, his voice full of concern.

'Yeah.' I replied continuing towards the house.

Unlocking the door I took a deep breathe and flung it open, everything was how we left it. Walking in I noticed the letter Jeff left me was still on the floor in the corner where I had thrown it in my temper. Trying to turn on the light switch I remembered I had cancelled the electricity. Fuck. All that was illuminating the room was the glow of the street light outside.

'We need candles.' Jeff muttered and I gently made my way over to the kitchen, I remembered we had some under the sink, in case of emergencies. Pulling them out I lit about 10 and dotted them around the living room. It was almost romantic. I put down my developing feelings towards Jeff to this atmosphere.

Sitting down on the couch I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I felt a pressure next to me and guessed Jeff sat down. My bag was on my lap and I felt it vibrate lifting out my phone I saw Craig's name flashing up on the screen. Pressing the off button I put it back in my bag and closed it.

'You not gonna answer that?' Jeff asked

'No.' I said

'Are you gonna say a bit more than one syllable answers?' he chuckled and I smiled at him, a lazy smile.

'Maybe.'

'Good, otherwise it's gonna be a long night he shrugged also leaning his head back.

Sitting there we both stared at the ceiling. It kinda felt right, being here with Jeff again, like the past few years had never happened. I didn't have any desire to talk to Craig, I just wanted to stay like this with Jeff. A pang of guilt washed over me but when I looked at Jeff it quickly subsided. I knew I would fall for his charms again. I couldn't resist. Sitting up I looked at him. He noticed and also sat up, staring back into my eyes.

'What's wrong?' he grinned nervously and I shook my head smiling, my hair cascading over my face.

'Nothing.'

'Sure?'

'Yup.'

'Why you staring at me then?' he asked, a curious look in his eye.

'Just looking at you.' I smiled and he leaned in closer.

'And why would that be?' He whispered, centimetres from my face.

'Dunno.' I stopped smiling now and looked down at his lips, I felt a flutter in my stomach and for once I didn't try to stop it. Leaning in I brushed my lips against his, he didn't respond instead he pulled away looking shamed.

'Are you sure you wanna do this Jess? Your with Craig...' he started and I brought my finger up to his face, holding it to his lips.

'Shhhhhh, just kiss me.' I whispered.

He didn't need telling twice as he ran his fingers through my hair and cupping the back of my head pulled my face towards his. He gently bit my bottom lip and I let out an audible sigh which he took as a sign to continue. Laying me down on the couch, he laid on top of me and continued to kiss me, my neck, my jaw, my cheeks, my nose. It was like he was making up for lost time. I let myself get lost in the moment, running my fingers up and down his back, enjoying this feeling again. The passion. To say I got carried away would be an understatement. Jeff leaned down towards my ear.

'Lets go upstairs.' he whispered, his voice full of lust and I felt myself nod. Both picking up a candle he held my hand and led me towards the stairs. I willingly followed, all thoughts of Craig now erased from my memory. Standing outside the bedroom he looked at me again and I nodded. With that he opened the door and led me inside, closing it behind us.

* * *

**Don't worry. Its far from over yet! In fact I would say the drama is only just beginning.... Watch this space!**


	23. Chapter 23

The morning after the night before

Waking up, I rolled over and sighed. He tightened his grip around my shoulders and I let out a small smile, snuggling into his chest.

'Morning Baby Girl.' he whispered.

'Hey.' I whispered back, slowly opening my eyes and looking at my surroundings.

'We have two options...' he started and I looked up at him, his green eyes sparkled.

'What are they?' I replied.

'We can stay in bed all day or we can get up and have some fun, not that we wouldn't be having any fun staying in bed all day.' he let out a small chuckle.

'As appealing as both of those sound, I should really get back to reality.' I smiled sadly, sitting up and covering myself appropriately with the sheet.

'What do you mean?' he asked sitting up next to me.

'I need to go back to the flat, sort my stuff out, try not to have another argument with Craig, sort my life out basically.' I pondered this for a second, wondering what I should do.

'Does this mean we...we....aren't going to be together?' Jeff asked, concern overpowering his voice. He sounded like he might cry.

'I...I don't know Jeff. I just need time to think. This has all happened so quickly, I just don't know.' I whispered, not sure of anything any more.

He hugged me from behind and buried his head in my back. I hung mine.

'Please don't do this to me Jess. I couldn't lose you again.' he whispered.

I turned to look at him and held a hand to his cheek. A tear fell and I wiped it away with my thumb.

'This doesn't mean I don't love you Jeff. I love you dearly, I've always loved you, I never stopped and in all honesty I don't think I ever will stop loving you. I just need time to myself to work out what I'm doing. I'm married Jeff. I'm Craig's wife and here I am sleeping with you. I just don't think I can be with anyone right now. I'm too confused and I think this situation has caused all three of us too much hurt already so I should take myself out of the equation until I work it all out.' I looked into his beautiful green eyes while saying this.

He didn't reply instead he took my hand from his face and placed it on my lap. Getting up he walked out of the room. I just watched him walk away. There was nothing I could do, nothing I could say.

Unlocking the door I braced myself. Walking into mine and Craig's flat I heard a movement in the kitchen and inhaled deeply. Here goes.

'Hey.' I said quietly walking into the kitchen. Craig turned around and faced me. I could see from his red eyes he had been crying. Walking up to me he put his arms around me and placed his head on my shoulder. I didn't respond, instead I stood there with my hands at my sides, rigid.

'I'm so sorry for doubting you Jess, please forgive me. I love you. I know you would never hurt me. Please. I'm sorry.' he cried into my neck. Unwrapping him from myself I stood in front of him, his hands wrapped in mine, I looked down at them.

'I can't do this Craig. You right I didn't sleep with Jeff that night. But I will admit I am confused, when Jeff came back all my feelings came rushing back and it was overwhelming. I think its best if I'm by myself for a while now. I just need time to work everything out and I don't want to hurt anyone or be hurt any more. I'm moving out Craig, and no I'm not running to Jeff. I'm going to live by myself and just be myself for a while. Sorry. I love you.' When I finished my speech I looked up at him. He had started crying again. I didn't say any more instead I turned and walked into the bedroom and pulled out my suitcase from under the bed. Like a robot I packed my clothes and bits, no emotion in anything I did, no passion, just a numbness. Dragging it out to the front door I saw him sitting on the sofa.

'Bye Craig.' I whispered as I took my wedding ring off and placed it on the side.

He didn't respond so I opened the front door and pulling my case behind me I walked out. Closing the door I leaned against it.

_Now what?_


	24. Chapter 24

Starting again

It had been 4 months.

4 months since I walked away from everything. I hadn't spoken to anyone in that time. My message box was constantly full but I didn't listen to or read any of them, didn't delete them either, just stopped more getting through. I sometimes looked through my message box, not opening any of the text's. They were from Craig, Jeff, Meg, Matt, Shannon, the list went on. I opened one once. About a week after I left, it was one of Jeff's...

**Baby Girl, please don't leave it like this we were meant for each other. I feel like dying without you... xxxxx**

It made me cry, big, fat, salty tears slid down my cheeks, thats why I couldn't read any more after that. It hurt too much. Part of me wanted to be left alone, part of me felt the loneliness creep in, mostly at night when I was in my rented apartment. I hadn't moved too far away, couldn't for my business, but far enough so I wouldn't bump into them on a day to day basis. Or so I thought.

I had gone to the local store, just to get some things for another quiet Saturday night, ready meal, ice cream, DVD, that sort of stuff. Walking around one of the aisles, I stopped in my tracks. The gang was there, looked like they were shopping for a party or something. Trying to quickly turn around I bumped into a man behind me, knocking all of my shopping onto the floor. It made such a noise I heard the gang go silent, turning my back to them, I knelt down on the floor, trying to pick up all my things as quickly as I could. The man I bumped into knelt down to help me.

'Sorry.' I muttered, frantically stuffing the items into my arms, keeping my head low.

'Are you okay?' he asked as he helped me pick up my items, obviously seeing the distressed look on my face.

'Yeah.' I replied picking up the DVD and finally standing up, he stood up with me and smiled, I tried to smile back but I couldn't.

'I'm James.' he said holding out his hand and realising I couldn't shake his he chuckled and pulled it back.

'Jess.' I whispered hoping the gang had gone back to what they were doing and couldn't hear me.

'Jess.' James said aloud, smiling.

Shit.

'Hey Jess, do you fancy meeting up for a drink soon? Tonight maybe? Doesn't look like you have much planned looking at your shopping.' he smiled, full of kindness.

'Ermmm....' I wanted to get out of there as quick as possible and the last thing I needed was another man in my life.

'JESS?' Someone said behind me, I recognised the sexy drawl. Jeff.

'I gotta go.' I said to James and ran past him, throwing my stuff on to a shelf.

Running towards the door, I heard the gang close on my tail.

'Jess!' shouted Meg.

I ran as quickly as I could, getting my keys out of my pocket and pressing the button I unlocked my car.

Running up to it and flinging open the door I jumped inside and slammed the door behind me, immediately locking it. Someone slammed up against my passenger window and it made me jump. It was Jeff.

'Jess, please don't run away.' he begged through the glass. I could see the gang approaching behind him. Looking at him one last time I started up the car and span the wheels, causing him to jump back. In that instant I sped off, out of the car park. Looking in my rear-view mirror I could see them standing there, wondering what the hell had just gone on. Losing sight of them I started to breathe normally again. Slowing down I drove around for a while, couldn't face going back to the apartment just yet.

I pulled out my phone. Looking at it I contemplated what I was thinking of doing.

Dialling the number I held the phone to my ear.

It rung once, twice, three times, I was just about to hang up when someone picked up.

'Hello?' the voice said.

'Its me.'

'Fucking hell Jess, what was that back there! You had me scared shitless!'

I heard voices in the background, heard my name being said, I don't know who by.

'Sorry.'

'Where are you?'

'Dunno.'

'What do you mean you dunno? Come back here.'

'No.'

'Right well I'm coming to you. Tell me where you are.'

I described my surroundings and they knew where it was.

'Right I'm on my way.'

I hung up and looked at the phone. Time to face the music.


	25. Chapter 25

So we meet again

I opened the door and stepped out of my car, straightening out my clothes I leaned back against the car and tried to look casual. When in reality my insides were doing summersaults, was I ready for this? Part of me always hated Jeff for what he did to me, running out on me like that and now I had done the same, admittedly I told him before but still, was I just as bad? These were some of the thoughts that had been spinning around my brain for the past few months. Before I had more time to contemplate what I was doing I saw a familiar car approaching in the distance, breathing in I stood up straight, it was time to tell them what the hell was going on.

The car pulled up beside mine and I quickly scanned who was inside, not making it too obvious I was doing so. I breathed out the breath I had been holding in since I saw the car approaching. They were alone. I don't think I could explain to more than one person right now. The engine stopped and they opened the drivers door. The person wasn't wearing a smile, I figured that would be the case so I had prepared myself.

'What the hell do you think your doing pulling a stunt like that?!' Meg exclaimed slamming the door and standing in front of me, arms crossed.

'Hey Meg.' I tried to smile, trying to ease the tension.

'Cut the crap Jess, I don't have time for your formalities.'

_Shit, she was pissed._

'I'm sorry.' I whispered, unable to chock back the sobs that had started to rack my body.

Meg Reluctantly softened and pulled me close into a tight hug. She must have felt it as she stepped back and pulled up my baggy jumper. Staring at my stomach, she raised her hand to her mouth.

'Your....your...'

'Suprise, I'm pregnant.' I sighed wiping away my tears and pulling my jumper back down.

'Is it Craig's?' Meg asked, obviously still shocked at my revelation.

I shook my head.

'You mean it's Jeff's? When? How? You slept together?' Her eyes widened while saying this. I presumed Jeff would have told them, obviously not.

'Yeah, just before I left.' I looked down to the ground.

'You need to tell him.' She took her hand away from her mouth now and crossed her arms again, trying to regain her composure.

'I know.' I whispered.

An overwhelming feeling came over me and I started crying again, big fat tears fell down my cheeks.

'You think I'm a slut don't you?' I cried looking at Meg.

'No I don't,' she soothed. 'Just confused. You can't help loving two men.'

After a pause Meg spoke again.

'Come back to ours.' she said. 'You can't be by yourself right now.'

'Jeff will be there.' I replied.

'You got to face him at some time sweetie.' she whispered and I knew she was right.

'But I look a mess.' I answered, trying to think of excuses not to go.

'Well we will drive back to yours, tidy you up, pack you some clothes and bring you back to mine.'

I relented, nodding I agreed. It was no use arguing with Meg, she would get her own way in the end, she always did.

Getting back into my car, while Meg rung Matt and told him we were coming, I rested my head against the steering wheel. It was throbbing. Meg knocked on the window and I looked up she pointed forwards, telling me it was time to go, so I started up the car and drove off towards my apartment.

Coming back outside, I felt somewhat better, changed into a vest top and jeans, I didn't care if my bump was on show, he would find out anyway. I chucked my overnight bag into Meg's boot and got in the seat beside her.

'You alright?' she asked and I shook my head, I don't want to do this Meg, I looked up at her with pleading eyes.

'Tough.' was her response as she drove towards her place.

Stepping out of the car, I sighed. This was going to be possibly the toughest night of my life and I had a feeling it would only get worse. When we got to the front door Meg opened it and shouted for Matt. The voices in the living room stopped, they knew I was hear. I heard Matt tell someone to stay there and he appeared from the doorway. Kissing Meg, he turned and looked at me, he eyes drifted down to my stomach and I saw them open wider. He looked back up at my face, then to Meg, then back at me. Meg silenced whatever he was about to say with a look and he turned meekly and walked back into the living room. Meg turned and looked at me. Pulling me into a hug she whispered into my ear.

'It will be okay Jess, I promise.'

She souded sure, I doubt she felt that way. I followed her into the room and all eyes turned to the door. Meg stepped out of the way as I was hiding behind her and all eyes fell on me and my stomach.

'Hey.' I whispered.

No one answered.

'Your pregnant.' Jeff spoke, still staring at my bump.

I nodded.

'Who's is it?' Shannon asked and Matt slapped him around the back of the head.

I stayed silent for a minute looking down to my bump, I held it in my hands, wanting to protect the life inside of me. Looking back up, I locked eyes with Jeff.

'Jeff's.' I said and I heard a few gasps. Jeff looked stunned, which suprised me considering we slept together without protection, he wasn't that stupid was he?

Everyone turned and looked at Jeff, who sat there still staring at me. His jaw clenched.

'Mine?' he said and I nodded.

With that he got up and walked over to me. Gently placing his hand on my bump, he studied it. He crouched down so he was eye level with the mound that held our baby.

'But you were with Craig too.' he whispered, mesmerised by my stomach.

'We hadn't slept together since you came back.' I muttered, suddenley aware of our audience.

'We need to talk.' He said standing back up and grabbing my hand, pulling me in the direction of the garden.


	26. Chapter 26

Rewriting the past

Once we had gotton outside Jeff let go of my hand and stood away from me. He turned and examined me once more.

'Is it really mine?' he muttered, it sounded like he was holding his breath, waiting for the answer.

'Yes Jeff, its really yours. I have no doubt.' I replied, causing him to exhale.

He ran his hand through his hair. And then shoved it in his pocket.

'Is this why you left?' he asked.

'No, I didn't find out until after I had gone.' I said, tears threatening to fall once more.

'And your sure it is mine?' he questioned again. I was getting fed up with this interregation.

'Yes Jeff! It's yours! Your baby! 100%! Without a doubt! No question in my mind! Yours! For fucks sake!' I shouted, not caring if they could hear inside.

'OK.' Jeff answered, in a subduded tone.

We stood there silent for a minute.

'Jeff?' I questioned and he looked up into my eyes.

'I've done a lot of thinking while I've been away. About what I'm going to do, who I want to be with. What I want to do with and for the baby. Plenty of things. I came to a conclusion,' I paused, rehersing what I was going to say next. 'When I found out I was pregnant, that put a spin on things, I remembered what happened last time and I got scared, really scared. I can't lose this baby. I need this baby, I've waited so long for this baby. I also know something else...This baby needs it's father Jeff. It needs you in it's life. I don't want to deny them that. And I don't want to deny myself my soulmate any longer. I love you Jeff. I lied when I said I didn't. It's always been you. From the night in the bar. I knew it was you I should spend my life with. But I'm scared, scared you will leave again. Scared, this time, you won't only be leaving me, but leaving your child, our child too.' I stopped, tears broke out and I started sobbing.

Jeff stood there, looking at me, tears forming in his eyes too. He quickly rushed towards me and pulled me into a hug, clutching my back and my head he pulled me into him and I didn't resist. I put my arms around him and gripped the back of his t-shirt, scared to let go. We stood like that for what felt like a century and when he started to pull away I reluctantly let go of him. Rubbing my eyes, I tried to compose myself.

'Baby Girl, I'm so sorry for what I put you through when I ran. I thought I had your best interests at heart but when you left this time, I knew what I had done to you. It hurt when you walked away and now I know what you felt. I'm sorry. I can't say it enough. I can't give you anything to prove I'm not gonna do that again but I can give you my word,' he said, cupping my face in his hands. 'I'm never gonna do that to you again. If you take me back, I will be the best partner I can be, I will be there for you, for our child. We will be that perfect little family, with the dog and the white picket fence. I want that, and your the only person I want it with.' he finished, rasping where he had been crying the whole way through.

He leaned his forehead again mine. A million thoughts whirled through my brain. I didn't know what was going to happen in the future but I knew I wanted to take the risk on Jeff. I needed him. And I had come to my decision. I was going to be with him, no matter what.

Looking up at him I searched his eyes, I could see the passion, the commitment, burning through them. I knew he wasn't lying. I knew it was going to be us, forever. I brought my lips towards his, hovering just a few millimetres away. He covered the short distance and pushed his lips onto mine. The kiss sealing our decision. Our commitment to one another. The cement that told both of us, this was going to work, we were going to make it work.

I pulled away and we stared at eachother, taking it all in.

I was the first to break the silence.

'I should tell Craig, start divorce proceedings.' I sighed, dreading it.

'Baby Girl, there is no I anymore, only us. I'm gonna be there with you, to help you.' Jeff whispered.

I smiled at him.


	27. Chapter 27

Saying goodbye to Craig

Knocking on his door I breathed in quickly. Jeff squeezed my hand and I looked at him. I was so glad he was here, it would make this chore a lot easier. Although , how Craig reacted to it would be a different story. The door opened.

'Hey Craig.' I said, smiling, nerves rushing through me.

Craig looked at me, then at Jeff and back at me again. He sighed and began to shut the door. Jeff stuck out his hand and stopped it. Craig glared at him and Jeff kept his stare, not looking away.

'Listen Craig,' he said. 'We aren't here to cause trouble, just to talk.'

Craig looked at me and relenting, opened the door and waved us in.

Stepping inside, I looked around, nothing had changed since the day I left, except Craig, he didn't look too good, like he hadn't been sleeping. A wave of guilt rushed through me, maybe bringing Jeff was a bad idea. But it was too late to change it now.

'I'm sorry for running.' I said, scared of what his response would be.

'I knew you would run to Jeff.' he said, defeated.

'It wasn't like that Craig. I've only just come back. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen.' I meant what I said.

Craig looked at me again, but this time he properly looked at me, his eyes came to rest on my stomach.

'Who's is it?' he said.

'Jeff's.' I whispered.

'Figures.' he sighed, turning around to face the window.

'Craig, I mean it when I say I'm sorry. I'm sorry, not just for walking out, but for everything. For leading you on, for marrying you, for mentally cheating on you. For loving Jeff. I'm sorry. You deserve so much better, your a good man. I never deserved you anyway.' It all came spilling out, I wanted to get everything off my chest.

I could see Craig's back tensing up, he stayed facing the window.

'I did love you, just not that way.' I whispered.

'Whatever Jess, I knew I never had your heart, I knew it was always Jeff's. I guess I was willing to settle for that. It wasn't right though. You and Jeff were always meant to be. I'm fed up with fighting for only half of you, knowing he will always have the other half. So Jeff, you win, you have her all, everything. I'm done.' Craig replied.

'I'm sorry.' said Jeff, not knowing what else to do.

'Not your fault, you can't help that she fell in love with you. And Jess, it's not your fault either, you can't help who you fall in love with. I will get my solicitor to draw the divorce papers up, get them sent to you as soon as possible. Oh and keep the dog.' Craig spoke with no emotion in his voice.

'You can go now.' he said, not turning around.

'Thank you Craig.' I whispered, grabbing Jeff's hand and walking towards the door.

Once we got outside, I exhaled, relieved it was over.

Jeff, sensing I needed him, pulled me close.

'It's just me and you now, Baby Girl. Always and forever.'

I buried my face into his chest and breathed him up.

'Yep. I wouldn't want it any other way.' I replied.


	28. Chapter 28

**_So this is it. The last chapter ever of FILIHOTK. I hope you enjoy it and its all you hoped it would be! I've put the lyrics to Bryan Adams - Please forgive me at the bottom as I was listening to it on repeat while writing this chapter and it helped shape it. I love that song, its beautiful! Reviews appreciated. I'm gonna miss this story, I think its my best work, a big improvement on I hate this part etc as they were the first stories I had written after a few year gap from fanfiction. Well enjoy lovelies! xoxo_**

**_I ONLY OWN MY OC'S Jess, Craig, Meg etc. No-one else, nothing else and no songs! This is done for fun only, I make no money out of this or any of my other stories!!!!_**

* * *

How it should have always been...

'I feel fat.' I sighed, turning away from the mirror to face Meg.

'Shut up!' she snorted. 'You look great, you've lost all the baby fat, your back to your stunning self.'

I smiled. Meg never changed.

'Now, sit down. Let me finish doing you hair.'

I dutifully sat down and Meg continued to curl, pin and style my hair.

'Who has Jayden?' I said, suddenly panicked at where he was.

'Shannon has him.' she replied.

'That does not fill me with confidence.' I laughed.

'Don't worry, all the others are there. Now shut up, stop worrying, relax and for god sake sit still!' she chuckled.

My dad walked into the room and I smiled at him.

'Hey Jessiebell.' he spoke, softly.

' Hey dad,' I replied. 'Where's mum?'

'Trying to pry Jayden away from Shannon.' he chuckled and I grinned.

'Listen, Jessiebell, thats not why I came here. I just wanted to say. Good luck. If your happy with Jeff, then I'm happy for you. I can see the love between you too and I know he adores you, which makes him okay in my eyes.' he sounded like he was trying not to cry.

'Thanks dad, that means a lot. I know you didn't always get on with him, but he is a good man. He will treat me right.' I replied, trying not to cry myself.

'Of course he will Mr Rye, otherwise he will have to answer to us!' Meg piped in which caused more laughter.

Dad looked back at me.

'You look beautiful Jessiebell, are you ready to go?' He asked and I nodded.

Standing up I examined myself in the mirror one last time. I chose a floor length, empire line, white dress, simple yet beautiful. It clung to my curves.

'Ready as I'll ever be.' I grinned.

Meg pulled me into a hug.

'Congrats babe.' she whispered. 'I know how long you have wanted this for.'

I pulled back and smiled at her as she handed me my flowers. I took my dad's arm and we walked towards the door.

Aerosmith - I don't wanna miss a thing started to drift out through the speakers and fill the church. The door opened and I saw Jeff for the first time that day. He was gorgeous in his suit. He turned around and looked at me, taking in every detail. He mouthed 'Your beautiful.' at me and I winked at him, causing him to chuckle.

Walking up the aisle I looked around at all the faces staring at me, I could have burst with happiness. This. This was how I imagined it all those years ago. And my perfect man was waiting for me at the end. When we got to the altar I kissed my dad on the cheek and he took his place, Meg took my flowers and sat down. I saw mum holding Jayden and smiled at her. Looking back at Jeff, I was ready.

'Do you Jeffery Nero Hardy take Jessica Sarah Rye to be your lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, for richer for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do you part?' the vicar said.

'I do.' Jeff smiled, a tear falling onto his cheek.

He repeated the vows to me.

'I do.' I said, wiping away a tear of my own. It was perfect. Just like I dreamt all those years ago.

'About time!' Shannon shouted, which caused the church to fill with laughter.

'Then I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride.' The vicar finished.

Jeff cupped my face and looked into my eyes.

'I love you Mrs Hardy.' he whispered.

'I love you too Mr Hardy.' I responded.

He gently pressed his lips onto mine and I responded, putting my arms around his waist.

Pulling away, we smiled at eachother and then turned around. Mum brought Jayden up to us and I took him from her. We both stood and looked at him for a second, he was beautiful, had Jeff's mesmerising green eyes. He looked up at us and chuckled, finally his mummy and daddy were together. Jeff put his arm around my waist and together, with Jayden, we walked back down the aisle and towards our new life, together forever.

Bryan Adams - Please forgive me

It still feels like our first night together  
Feels like the first kiss and  
It's gettin' better baby  
No one can better this  
I'm still hold on and you're still the one  
The first time our eyes met it's the same feelin' I get  
Only feels much stronger and I wanna love ya longer  
You still turn the fire on

So If you're feelin' lonely.. don't  
You're the only one I'd ever want  
I only wanna make it good  
So if I love ya a little more than I should

Please forgive me I know not what I do  
Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you  
Don't deny me

This pain I'm going through  
Please forgive me  
If I need ya like I do  
Please believe me  
Every word I say is true  
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you  
Still feels like our best times are together  
Feels like the first touch

We're still gettin' closer baby  
Can't get close enough I'm still holdin' on  
You're still number one I remember the smell of your skin  
I remember everything  
I remember all your moves  
I remember you  
I remember the nights ya know I still do

One thing I'm sure of  
Is the way we make love  
And the one thing I depend on  
Is for us to stay strong  
With every word and every breath I'm prayin'  
That's why I'm sayin'...


End file.
